Deadline
by Lt-Tomoe87
Summary: Shuichi has learned to deal with Yuki locking himself up. He loves him and he knows that Yuki loves him back. But one can only take so much rejection.
1. Distant

Ok, I know that I start stories and then leave them for the buzzards after two chapters, but I'm really going to try hard on this one. I'm going to have a lot of fragment sentences in this first chapter so just bear with me. -Cait

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Gravitation, because if I did, I'd be much richer than you.

* * *

Chapter 1 : Distant

_The words never came easily. For the writer __**or**__ the singer. Whether it was for work or was just to express the connection between them. Shuichi often wondered why that was. He really did love Yuki and he knew that Yuki loved him. Even if it was a different love. Even if Yuki didn't express it the way Shuichi did. Even if Shuichi felt like he was hanging off the edge with their relationship. Yuki would always come back to embrace him. Eventually though, Shuichi wondered why he would get so desperate at those times. Why he would let himself fall. What pushed him so much? Was Yuki pushing him away slowly until it was almost too late? It usually took a call from either K-san or Tohma to get Yuki to notice when Shuichi was losing it. For awhile he ignored this. Then came a period of silence that was just too much for both of them._

Shuichi looked at the door from the living room as he heard someone unlocking it. He just turned back to what he was doing on the couch and waited for that someone to come into the apartment. When he finally came in, the tall, blond man was for once surprised that Shuichi hadn't come bounding from some random place in the apartment to great him/tackle him. "Shuichi?" Yuki called as he slipped off his shoes. "I'm home."

The pink-haired singer barely flinched at what his lover said. _I was the one usually saying that._ "Where are you?" Yuki called out.

Deciding not to lead Yuki on that he was trying to play an annoying game, he said, "I'm in the living room." His voice was blank.

"Oh." Yuki's voice didn't sound the happiest either. Shuichi heard the fridge door shut and hear foot steps towards Yuki's study. He didn't bother to ask what Yuki was going to do or how long he planned on cooping himself up in the dark room. Then the door closed. Shuichi didn't even sigh. He just stared down at his lyrics that he was writing.

"It really isn't fair, Yuki." He said to him self in a low tone, "You get to shut everyone out of the world and then when you open the door again to find everything as it was…"

Normally Shuichi wasn't this quiet. Or just depressed. He had learned to cope somewhat though. This had gone on between him and Yuki for about a month and a half already. The first two weeks that Yuki had left him in solitude, Shuichi did everything in his power to try to turn Yuki around but would always get the responses, "I'm working." "Shut up, damn brat!" "I don't want to mess up the deadline this time."

It was really tiring and Shuichi just couldn't take it on top of the stress he had at work. Bad Luck was recording a new CD and he had been having a really bad writer's block. He had to admit his lyrics were really lacking. He had already ran to Hiro for about a night but not as emotional as he had the many times before. Hiro worried about him. Even Suguru and Mr.K. But they couldn't spend too much time paying attention to Shuichi's life either.

Shuichi stared out the window as the sun was setting. "Deadline? **Dead**line." He repeated in a strong voice. He really was surprised he was saying it. He tilted his head back to face the ceiling. "I feel like I've already met my deadline and beyond." His voice was disappointed. He didn't want to give up, but he felt like he had nothing left in him. "It just…hurts."

* * *

The sound of clicking was the only sound Yuki had known for quite some time already. His laptop was his companion in these long days of solitude. He still knew that Shuichi was on the other side of the door, but the air in the apartment began to feel different every day. And Yuki was too enthralled in his writing to barely notice it.

Hands on the clock seemed to move more quickly than they actually did. Yuki stared up at the machine going, "Tick. Tick. Tick." He pulled out his lighter and a cigarette and leaned back on his chair. Once he was more relaxed, he let out a puff of smoke. "I think five hours is long enough." With that he shut the laptop and came out of his study.

When he walked into the kitchen he saw that Shuichi had just finished making a small dinner. It was only some ramen but Yuki was still hungry. He picked up his bowl from the two on the counter and looked over at Shuichi who was sitting by himself at the table. They barely exchanged any words these days. Yuki wanted to say to him, "Thanks." But all that came out was, "Why ramen, brat?"

Shuichi just sighed. It was a fed up release of breath. He stood up from his chair and placed his bowl in the sink. His elbows rested against the edge on the metal of the sink. Without looking at Yuki, he sighed again and muttered something under his breath not knowing or caring if the writer heard it, "Why do I bother?" his voice was filled with disgust as he exited the kitchen.

Yuki watched him leave. He didn't stop him. He didn't feel he really had to. Even though he did hear what Shuichi had said. _He's exhausted, I'm exhausted. That's all. _ He concluded silently to himself.

* * *

Grrr. Something doesn't sound right when I read it! I have never done a romance fanfic before. I hope someone enjoyed reading it though. I plan to get the next chapter up soon. Till then, Cait


	2. Rest

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: If I really owned Gravi, I wouldn't be writing fanfics about it

* * *

Chapter 2 : Rest

Opening his eyes to what he hoped was a new day; Shuichi looked up at the ceiling from the bed he and Yuki shared. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep already, so he just wanted an excuse to leave the bed to get ready for work. The clock read "6:30 a.m." Shuichi sighed, "Never hurts to get up before the sun." And he quietly slipped out of the sheets.

Sipping coffee and going over the new batch of lyrics he wrote one more time, he looked over to the bedroom door. _I can't say he's using me because we haven't been intimate since two months ago. _He placed his cup in the sink and got ready for work. When he left, he didn't leave a note for Yuki. The only indication that he would be at NG Studios was that the small stacks of drafts for his lyrics was slightly shorter due to him taking the final copies.

When Yuki did wake up, he was the smallest bit surprised that Shuichi wasn't on the other side of the bed. He shot up quickly and darted into the kitchen. He then noticed the papers. "No note…?" He asked himself out loud curiously. _Shuichi's never been the type to go to work early…_The writer half shrugged, the slightest bit that something was off and poured himself some coffee.

"Uhg. Why _did_ I get up so early? No one's here to unlock the doors yet." Shuichi grumbled to himself as he sat outside the NG Studios building. He looked at his wrist watch. 7:03. "I guess I'll just walk around for a little while." With a huff, he stood up and headed in the opposite direction he came.

The pop star didn't really pay attention where his legs took him too. His train of thought was going through what he was going to do about him and Yuki. When he finally stopped walking, he realized where he was. The park where he had first met his lover two years ago. "So much has changed already…" He muttered to himself as he recalled that first time he had seen Yuki. Before he knew it was already 8:30. "Crap! _Now_ I'm going to be late!" His thoughts of him and Yuki vanished from his mind as the thought of having an AK-47 against his head by Mr.K ran through his head.

* * *

When Shuichi finally arrived at the building he was in such a trance that he didn't register the automatic doors were open. He just ran up the steps to Bad Luck's recording room. He was grateful he hadn't forgotten his lyrics. Sakano and Mr.K were discussing whether to go out and find him when he burst into the room. "I HAVE THEM!" He slammed the papers onto a table nearest to him.

"Shindou?" Sakano asked a bit worried. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I just wasn't keeping track of time." Shuichi caught his breath.

"That's always the excuse!" Mr.K said loudly and to Shuichi's misfortune, there was the gun pointed at his head. "Get ready to record!"

Shuichi sighed and moved the barrel of the gun away from him with a light hand motion and stood up. "Alright."

Mr.K was amazed really. "That usually scares the living crap out of him."

"Well, Shindou hasn't really been himself lately." Sakano made an excuse up for him as he watched Shuichi, Hiro and Suguru head into the recording room. "He hasn't been running to us for support or complaining. So I guess he's handling it."

Shuichi waited for Suguru to start on his keyboard, he then entered the first verse of the song with the best voice he could,

"On the lonely path, you say you're falling

Don't forget who you are! It's not over!

I'll be the one to take your hand, take your hand

The sun will shine soon."

Hiro started to play his bass. Before they had reached the bridge of the song, Mr.K jumped in, "What kind of crap is that, Shuichi?!" He yelled. Everyone stopped playing, "That's too sappy already!"

Shuichi slightly slumped at the microphone. "Alright." He looked through the stack of lyrics and handed Hiro and Suguru a song. "You guys should come up with the music for that. I'm going to sit out for a little while." He walked out into the hall before Sakano and Mr.K could catch him.

"That was probably a little too harsh, K-san." Hiro said sympathetically.

"Maybe so, but he needs to write more uplifting material if he wants to sell albums." Mr.K said ticked off.

In the hall, Shuichi got a drink from the water dispenser. When he was about to head back to the recording room when he heard a familiar voice yell his name in immature delight.

"SHU-I-CHIIII!!" Ryuchi came running across the hall and jumped Shuichi. "Kumagoro and I missed you!"

"Ah. Hi there, Ryuichi-san." Shuichi helped the other singer and himself stand up. "How have you been?"

Ryuichi just stared at him. "You don't look so good, Shuichi!" He pouted. "Kumagoro says it looks like you haven't been sleeping well."

Shuichi shrugged and forced a smile on his face. "I've just been up late writing lyrics these days. I'll catch up on sleep over the weekend." He tried to reassure Ryuichi.

"Ok!" Ryuichi smiled back.

"I got to get back to the recording room before Mr.K has to come find me. See you later." Shuichi headed down the hall.

Ryuichi waved until Shuichi took a turn behind a corner. His smile dropped. "Don't push yourself so hard." This was one of the rare times he was acting mature.

* * *

"Good job today, Shuichi." Sakano patted him on the shoulder trying to encourage him.

Shuichi forced another smile, "Thanks, Sakano-san." He headed out of NG Studios as fast as he could, but not before Tohma caught him.

"Shindou-san." He said in usual voice. It always sounded like he was up to something mischievous and that no one could beat him at the game he was trying to play.

"Ah, Seguchi-sama." Shuichi unwillingly stopped in his tracks. "Do you need something?"

"No. You've just been acting strange lately."

"What do you mean?" Shuichi asked him surprised that Tohma of all people would be paying attention to his behavior.

"You haven't been bounding through the halls and your hyper attitude has seemed to disintegrate. Is everything alright with you and Eiri?"

Shuichi was quick to put on a cheerful act, "Yeah. We're ok. I've just been up late with writing and all. All I need to do is catch up with my sleep." He hoped that this would convince Tohma to leave him alone.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing that it's Friday." Tohma smiled back with a smile just as fake as Shuichi's. "You can get some rest over the next two days."

Taking that as an opportunity to get out of Tohma's presence, he nodded quickly. "See you next week." He walked out of the building, and as soon as he was out of Tohma's watch, he ran.

Shuichi couldn't tell if he was crying or not. He was barely paying enough attention to see where the road turned into sidewalk and not to run into lampposts or trees. He couldn't define which was which. When he finally felt as though he was going collapse, he felt his knees buckle under the physical stress. He just sat there for awhile. Not crying or anything but thinking. His eyes showed that he was deep in thought.

By the time he collected himself, the sun had set. He looked out at the city lights. The slight breeze ran through his hair as he started to walk in the direction of the apartment.

* * *

Holy crap! Four pages! O I hope you liked this chapter. My other ones probably won't be as long. Let me know if you have any ideas. -Cait


	3. Threat

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: I wish I owned it but I don't. So leave me alone.

* * *

Chapter 3 : Threat

When Shuichi finally came home, hours had passed since anyone had seen him. Now no one had gone out looking for him which surprised the singer. Usually when someone had not witnessed him alive for more than two hours there was panic. Not these days though. Not that he was totally forgotten. He still had his friends. Except…things were different. Hiro had gotten more involved with Ayaka and Suguru was even more reluctant to put up with any of Shuichi's excuses. Then there was Yuki. Maybe there wasn't. It sure seemed like he wasn't there.

To his surprise though, when he closed the door Yuki seemed to appear out of nowhere full of questions for him, "Where have you been? Why didn't you leave a note about leaving early this morning?" Shuichi didn't know whether to be happy that Yuki cared or upset for feeling like Yuki was trying to control him.

"I was taking a walk-" Shuichi was quickly interrupted by Yuki.

"At 9:00 at night?!" Yuki started to raise his voice.

"Yes. As a matter of fact." The singer's deep violet eyes stared right back at Yuki's fierce golden ones.

Yuki sighed as he lit a cigarette and headed towards his study. "Fine. I have to-"

"Go work on the story before the deadline. I know." Shuichi was walking into the kitchen.

Without questioning him anymore, Yuki did as he always did and closed himself inside the study. And his mind. He didn't bother to lock the door anymore. Even though he didn't know why, he just never felt the need to since it was always silent when ever he was working.

Shuichi sighed and looked at the small mail pile on the counter. He guessed that Yuki had been too busy to go through it. _At least it's something to do._ He thought to himself. There were only a few letters. All but one addressed to Yuki. "Huh. They must be bills." Shuichi tossed them aside and came to the one that had his name on it. "Fan mail?" When Bad Luck was first started and when the media first found out about him and Yuki's relationship, their address was leaked. Fortunately, Tohma was able to halt the fan mail from reaching their apartment on Yuki's request.

"So…how did this one make it?" Shuichi asked himself quietly. He flipped over the envelope to see that there was no return address. "I guess it's anonymous then…" He tore it open and pulled out the letter. His eyes narrowed and his straight lips formed a frown.

The letter read;

_Shuichi Shindou,_

_It is against God and Christianity to be gay. End your relationship with Eiri Uesugi or your life will be on the line._

_-The one that stands up for what is right_

Shuichi sighed, angry. He had gotten a couple threat letters before from fans. But they were always towards hurting Yuki. He would take those letters directly to Mr. K or Tohma and they would always hunt down the crazy fan who sent it to them. This one though…just didn't seem to worry him. _As long as it isn't a threat against Yuki, it doesn't really bother me. It's probably some crazy tourist who heard about us. _With that, he tossed in the trash.

Although it was disturbing to receive something like a death threat, Shuichi didn't register anything wrong. "They weren't serious anyway those last two times." And the pop star shrugged it off as he prepared dinner for himself.

* * *

Yeaaaah, I know that letter sounded crazy but so is the person who wrote it. Just wait and see…

Edit: I just got back from States championships! I was only in one event(200 Meadly Relay) which I did a 50 yard freestyle for. We got 15th out of 24. We didn't make it to Nationals but it was still awesome! -Cait


	4. Numb

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: ...When can I stop doing these? >>;

* * *

Chapter 4 : Numb

"Nhn…" Shuichi slowly opened his eyes. They were fixated on the face less than five inches away from his. Yuki was still sleeping as Shuichi stared at him. This was the first time in…well Shuichi couldn't remember when Yuki wasn't on the farthest side of the bed with his back turned towards the young man. Shuichi wanted to smile. He really did. All that came from the emotions inside were distant eyes just staring at Yuki in his slumber.

After a few minutes of spacing out, Shuichi lightly laid his hand on Yuki's. He knew his lover was a light sleeper, and didn't want to wake him. Although, he had been so tired lately from working so much… _No!_ Shuichi snapped himself out of it._ I don't want to take a chance of him losing rest._ _I can talk to him later._ He slowly got out of bed, doing his best not to disturb the writer anymore. Even though it was the weekend, it felt strange to be so close to Yuki physically. It didn't feel…normal anymore. He was afraid if he tried to get close to him, he'd be pushed away.

Once he left the room, Yuki opened his eyes. "Shu…" His voice was hurt as he spoke the name of his lover. He stayed in the room so that Shuichi wouldn't think that he woke him. When Yuki came into the living room he was shocked to see Shuichi on a **laptop**. "H- Hey! Is that mine!"

Shuichi jumped up at Yuki's voice, "No! I got my own! Chill already." He rolled his eyes and went back to what he was doing.

Not only was his new possession a surprise but…his attitude. _It's because it's the weekend…I know he's been working hard._ He went into the kitchen to get some coffee and then joined Shuichi again. He leaned against the doorway, "What are you so intensely typing about?"

"It was K-san's suggestion to get a computer so it would be easier to write my lyrics and not waste papers with drafts." He didn't look up to answer Yuki.

"I see." The writer sat down next to Shuichi.

_I guess he made the deadline if he's this relaxed and actually communicating with me._ Shuichi scratched his head when he got stuck on one line of the song he was writing. _I can save it for later. I just needed to type up something that popped into my head._ He saved the file and closed up the laptop which he placed on the other side of him.

"You know," Yuki placed his coffee mug on the nearby table. "The glaring light of that screen didn't suit you."

"I could say it doesn't suit you either." said Shuichi indifferently. Just then he heard a ping coming from is laptop. He quickly picked it up from the floor and opened it up. "Ah! Hiro!" He started type quickly.

Yuki was confused, "What's this about Nakano-san?" He asked.

Shuichi laughed, "It's something called an 'Instant Messenger'. Hiro got it installed on this computer so that whenever he's on his we can talk."

"Like you don't see each other enough at work?" Yuki grumbled to himself. Although he didn't mean to say it out loud…

"It's just something new we wanted to try." Shuichi half pouted, "Oh, he's got to go anyway…" He signed off and placed the laptop back on the floor. He laid back on the couch. Once more, it felt odd to be so close to Yuki. "I'm guessing you finished your thing for the deadline?"

"Oh…uh, yeah." He just stared at Shuichi. _Something…doesn't seem right with him._

The singer took notice of Yuki's watch over him, "Are you ok, Yuki?" He asked.

"Are **you**?" He answered with his question.

"Uh, yeah! Why wouldn't I be?" He forced a smile on his face.

"You just seem out of it." Yuki shrugged and lit a cigarette.

_You're just noticing this?_ Shuichi thought to himself. "Oh, I forgot to tell you," he shifted, "We're going to perform in two weeks at Tokio Hotel. Do you want to come?"

_Sure._ "Not really." Yuki answered passively.

"Oh, ok." Shuichi got up with a small fraction of his fake smile and walked over to the front door, "I'm going to take a walk, I'll see you later."

Before Yuki could spit out a, "What time will you be back?" The door closed. He was shocked to say the least. Usually when he said that to him he would cry and beg him to go. Not this time. After awhile he sighed and put out his smoke. "Maybe he just needs to come out of it." He reassured himself, "But now I have nothing to do." He stared down at the laptop on the floor. "I guess I could look at those lyrics…" Not a strand of guilt ran through his mind about invading privacy._He's going to sing them into a microphone which will be broadcasted to the world anyway…_

When the computer finally booted up Yuki was already stuck. "Password!" He sighed. "Y U K I" He typed into the box. A small window popped up,

"Sorry that password is incorrect, please try again."

Yuki growled, frustrated. "Ok." He tried again "'I L O V E Y U K I'"

"Password accepted." And the machine signed him on.

"Well that wasn't so hard. Sometimes you're just too obvious." Yuki smirked to himself.

Once all the programs loaded, he looked over the several documents that flooded the wallpaper on the screen. "Jeeze! He doesn't try to organize them?" His eyes scanned upon the document tabs until one that stood out to him. "Even If It Is Pain". He sighed to himself, "It's probably something that crazy manager of his asked him to write to up their popularity." Still, curious and half worried, he opened it.

Yuki's mouth dropped when he read the words on the screen.

_What funny masks we all wear_

_I could have sworn mine was broken, broken_

_Along with all my emotions!_

_But it's obvious to see now that it's strong than ever_

_Or is it just your complacency? _

_Whichever it is…it tortures me to the core…_

_Bring me back, please bring me back_

_I want to feel again_

_Where is your heart?_

_I cannot see it through the dark_

_No matter how many good memories I think of_

_Nothing can change the current state of rejection!_

_Or is it just because I'm numb?_

_Whichever it is it tortures me to the core…_

_Bring me back, please bring me back_

_I want to feel again_

_Even if it is pain…_

The lyrics ended there. There was no bridge. "Was this what he was working on when I came into the room?" He asked himself out loud. Yuki then became worried. His mind almost went blank as he closed the computer and half threw it on the floor. He didn't know how his shoes got on. How he ran into the park where they had first met. How he spotted Shuichi.

By the time Yuki made it to the bench Shuichi was lying on, he was out of breath. Shuichi shot up at the sound of heavy breathing, "Yuki!" He looked up at the man. "Yuki, are you alright?" He asked concerned.

Yuki didn't answer. He took his lover into an embrace. "I'm sorry, Shu."

Shuichi was confused. "Huh? About what? You don't have anything to be sorry for." Even though a voice inside of him was screaming, _FINALLY YOU BASTARD!_ There was some hope in those lavender eyes that Yuki was finally finding out his feelings. "Um, Yuki? Did something happen?"

Yuki didn't give a thought whether those lyrics were tied to real emotion or not. How was he going to be able to explain this odd behavior now? "Uh…um…" For once the great Eiri Yuki couldn't think of an excuse.

"Did you take a nap and have a bad dream or something?" Shuichi pried Yuki's arms off of him.

_Just seeing those words was a bad enough dream I don't to have again… _Yuki thought to himself. "Yeah. That's all it was." He sighed hoping Shuichi would accept it.

_Oh, so that's all it was._ Shuichi would have believed this even if he had seen Yuki looking at the singer's work. "Do you want to go home now?" He asked with his eyes returning to the rejected state they were before.

Yuki nodded trying to tell himself those words were just for Shuichi's career. Somewhere though, he knew that lying to himself would come back to get him. As they were walking home, he looked down at Shuichi and noticed that he was staring into nothingness. As if he was daydreaming. The only problem was that he saw hurt in his beautiful eyes.

* * *

It still doesn't sound right to me. Maybe that's because I'm the writer. YES, I did put in Tokio Hotel in there. I couldn't think of another name. Don't kill me. I know their music is totally awesome.

By the way, I was the one who made up those lyrics that Shu wrote. As usual, let me know if you want me to change anything. -Cait


	5. Cycle

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: I don't own Shuichi(even though I wish I did) or any other character

* * *

Chapter 5 : Cycle

The rest of the weekend passed meaninglessly. Even though neither of the men were under stress from work, neither of them made an advance to mend the almost invisible hole in their relationship. It seemed like Shuichi was the only one who noticed it.

It was Friday and was only a week away from the concert. And Shuichi was coming home later and later with every day. Naturally Yuki became worried but he didn't confront Shuichi about it.

Since that weekend, Shuichi hadn't gone back onto his laptop. He still wasn't used to going on it often. He had been too tired, plus he didn't have any important inspiration that he needed to record. So when he did open is laptop again and restarted it from Standby mode that Yuki had left it on, the document "Even If It Is Pain" came up. "What the…?" Shuichi asked himself confused. _Did Yuki go through my computer files after I left?_ He felt panic run through his veins as he pulled together Yuki's bizarre behavior from that day. _No way…he read this! _

"What are you doing?" Yuki asked seeing that the singer was in a shocked state. "Oi! Do you hear me?" He raised his voice.

Shuichi shook his head and blinked a few times. "Hey, brat! Are you listening?" Yuki asked again.

_Damnit!_ Shuichi quickly closed the file before Yuki came over to him. "Yeah." His voice was serious, "I'm fine." He opened a new file.

Yuki sighed, "I'm going to go to bed."

"Really? Is it that late?"

"Yeah…." Yuki was surprised that Shuichi lost track of the time. But he did that all the time anyway. "It's almost eleven o' clock."

"Oh. Alright. See you." His emotionless face was staring at the screen in front of him.

_What's going on with him?_ Yuki thought desperately. He then leaned over and gave Shuichi a light kiss on the cheek.

The singer's eyes softened. All of a sudden, he felt like Yuki actually registered his hurt feelings. "Are you truly alright?" Yuki asked him.

Shuichi found it easy to put on his fake smile. He felt himself healing slowly. He was glad that Yuki hadn't tried to get him to have sex as soon as Yuki had felt like it. Deep down he was still hurting though. This was a cycle already. Even though Shuichi was putting dents in it every time around trying to break free.

Yuki frowned, "Don't try to fool me like that." His lips met Shuichi's as he firmly pulled them to his face by holding Shuichi's chin. Shuichi felt himself becoming weak. He held back the childish tears that he knew Yuki couldn't stand. He withdrew from the kiss and tried his best to show Yuki he **was** alright.

The next few days passed without any major events. Yuki worked on a new chapter and Shuichi was getting ready for the concert. With every hour, Shuichi's emotional state became stronger but was being built with fragile blocks. One more ride around the cycle would indefinitely break him.

* * *

Thank you SO much for the reviews! Sorry this chapter is so short.

To coffee-house-girl: I meant to type "hand" but I somehow missed it. Thanks for pointing that out!


	6. Why

Sorry I had to make all of you wait for this. My (insert ugliest profanity here) computer decided to finally fail on me and so all my documents were lost. Among them were my chapters for the story. It's not exactly the same, but I was only writing from memory with this chapter. My school is probably going to send me a new computer in a week or so. So until then I'll have to use my sibling's computers because the laptop I'm using really hates me.

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: DAMN LIFE FOR ME NOT OWNING THIS SERIE

* * *

Chapter 6 : Why

_"Oh, it's dark here..." Shuichi felt himself falling. "Where...is this place?" He kept reaching for someone to pull him back up to the surface. No matter how far his arm seemed to stretch through the darkness, the pressure pushed him down farther against his chest. That's when he heard his name being called. The owner of the voice sounded like and angel. Shuichi recognized it. It was a pained call but to Shuichi it still was a beautiful voice. "Yuki? Is that you...?" He tried to break through the pain, "I can't leave! Let me go!" He screamed. "Yuki! Where are you...?" The pain finally caught him and he couldn't move anymore. His thoughts started to blur. "Yuki..." His voice started to fade in his head. "I love you, Yuki..."_

"AAAAAHH!!" Shuichi shot up from his pillow. The sweat shone on his skin in the moonlight. One hand was placed over his chest the other on his face. Just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. That he was still here. _What...What was that? It felt so real...that pain...was it really just a...a dream?_

Yuki awoke to Shuichi's yell, a bit surprised since the singer hadn't had any nightmares that woke him up lately. "Shuichi?" he ask concerned, "What happened?" He noted that Shuichi was not only gasping for breath, but shaking. _What the heck is going on with him?_ He pulled him close to his chest.

Then Shuichi realized what the feeling was, "I was...dying?" He asked himself under his breath. He couldn't believe it. Dying couldn't really feel like that...could it? He slowly started to calm down in Yuki's arms.

_Dying? That's a...deep nightmare...even for Shuichi... _Yuki felt Shuichi fall back asleep and his breathing went back to normal. _I guess I'll have to ask him about it in the morning. _And then he too, fell back to sleep.

* * *

Yuki never did ask Shuichi about it though. The next morning he had another chapter to do for his new novel. And like every other time, he shut himself off and was cold to his lover. He figured Shuichi would be busy anyway with his concert coming up that he'd be too busy to bug Yuki. And so the cycle commenced once more.

* * *

It was Thursday, the night before the concert. The apartment was as quiet as had always been for the past two months. Even though Shuichi's thoughts were screaming in his head. When he came home that night, he decided to ask Yuki one more time about attending the concert. _I just want you to hear a couple of my new songs..._ He stood at the doorway of Yuki's study. He held the ticket tightly in his hand. "Yuki?"

"What is it, brat? I'm busy." Yuki mumbled from the chair. He didn't even glance at Shuichi.

"Mr. K...he had an extra ticket for the concert. I was wondering if you wanted to go or not."

Yuki sighed angerly, "I'll think about it." He spat out. He just needed a couple more hours to finish this damn thing...

Shuichi didn't want to wait though. He had waited for long enough. He felt the ticket crumple in his fist. "When? When will you think about it? When it's over?" He raised his voice.

Yuki didn't turn to him, "No. I said I'd think about it." He said smugly.

_Why Yuki? Why do you push me away so harshly? Why can't you just alter your tone? Am I that worthless to you?_ "Why do you do this, Yuki?" He couldn't cry. He had already wasted enough tears.

Yuki ignored his questions.

"Why do you hate me?!" He finally yelled.

This time, Yuki gave Shuichi his attention. Surprised that he had yelled at him. "Fine, your answer? No." And he turned back to his computer.

Shuichi stared angerly at the floor and then walked away, stomping. He dropped the ticket on the way to the front door.

"Where are you going?" Yuki asked annoyed.

_Oh, now you care? _"Where do you think?!" He barked as he slipped his shoes on. _To where I always go when you treat me like shit. To the only person that cares anymore. _He tried not to cry as he accepted his own theory of the truth. _I'm not going to let you throw me out this time. I'm sick of this. _

Yuki perked up to Shuichi's tone. He quickly passed the through the study and made it to the front door as Shuichi was about to open it. "You're not going anywhere." He grabbed his arm.

Shuichi struggled in the writer's grip. "Since when are you the boss of me?!" He tried to free himself. _No matter how hard I try, he's always going to be stronger than me._

Yuki didn't answer. He just felt like this time, the fight wouldn't be healed and he couldn't let Shuichi go.

"Let go of me, damnit!" Shuichi yelled. He had had enough of this. There was a loud, "TWAP" noise that filled the small entrance of the apartment. Yuki's grip finally weakend, and Shuichi pulled away. Still huffing from the struggle he said, "I'm staying at Hiro's until the concert. After that...I'll have to think about it." _I don't care if I don't have any extra clothes. I'll just sleep in this and pick up my concert clothes at NG tomorrow._ He gave one last glare at Yuki before exiting the apartment. When he made it to the road, his footsteps became quicker as he started to run. "Screw you, Eiri!!" He yelled. Not knowing or caring if Yuki heard him or not.

Yuki lightly placed his hand over the place on his cheek where Shuichi had slapped him. He was shocked that Shuichi had done it. He wanted to run after him but knew it would be useless. Unwillingly, he closed the door to the apartment and walked back to his study. On the way, he noticed a piece of paper on the floor. _The ticket? _He sighed as he picked it up. In his study again, he lit a cigarette. Now unable to concentrate with his chapter. His eyes moved from the compter screen to the piece of paper. "Why? You always ask me why..." He stared up at the ceiling and blew out a breath of smoke, "Maybe I don't know."


	7. Pain

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: sigh If only I was a millionaire...

* * *

Chapter 7 : Pain

Shuichi ran. That's all he could do. His mind was clouded with thoughts of hate and emotional pain. _Why does Yuki have to be like that? It's not fair to me... _Once he had finally and literally run out of breath, he leaned against a wall and looked around. Tokyo obviously had a fresh night life. Bright lights and the sound of hundreds of people talking and the honks of car horns filled his ears. Scanning the street signs, he figured out where he was. _Damn. I ran way past where I was supposed to go to get to Hiro's..._ He sighed and made his way back to the intersection he missed.

As the population in the sidewalks died down, Shuichi checked his watch. 10:45 pm. Like anyone else, he assumed that it was because citizens were getting ready for bed. Their day complete. It was starting to get cold. _Uhg. _The singer thought to himself. _I can't wait to get to his house. _He wrapped his arms around himself to give some warmth to his chest.

Walking down the sidewalk, waiting for the light to change, he heard someone talking from behind him. The sidewalks were now empty, so the person could have only been addressing him. "Shindou Shuichi?" the voice asked. There wasn't really a tone to it. Blank really is the best way to describe the way the stranger said his name.

"Uh, yeah..." Shuichi turned around at the sound of his name. He looked over the stranger. It wasn't a homeless person or anything like that. A normal guy. Reddish hair, blue eyes, and only a few inches taller than the pink haired star. "Do you need something?" He asked as the man approached him. He didn't answer, "An autograph, what?" He did his best to hide his impatient annoyance.

Out of nowhere, a horrible pain came to Shuichi's chest. The singer went flying into the building nearest to him and the brick scraped along his face. This guy had just punched him! _Owww. What the hell...? _Shuichi tried to stand up but another blow was given from behind by another man. He couldn't make out any features on this one. He knew eventually the beating had moved into the alley. Kicks and punches. The bricks of the building certainly had a good taste of the singer's blood as the beating persisted. Once it had ceased, Shuichi looked up to see that three other guys had joined the original two. "What...the fuck...was that for...?" Was all he was able to pass from his lips.

"Tsk. Tsk." The red haired man picked up a glass bottle from somewhere of the alley ground, "Gay and a potty mouth." and threw the bottle at Shuichi's feet. The shards of glass made small cuts in the flesh of the singer's shins.

Shuichi winced as the blood started to flow from the hundred cuts on his legs. "Is that what this is about? Me and Yuki?" He found he was starting to breathe more easily again.

"No shit, Sherlock." Said one of the other three. "We already told you what would happen. This is a second warning."

"Break up with Uesugi and we'll leave you alone."

_These...these people are the ones who sent that letter? They can't be fucking serious! There's no way they could get away with something like that. _Shuichi's thoughts were slowly collecting as he made connections in his memories. _But I've never seen these guys before...is it really just because I'm with Yuki? Damn...if only I hadn't thrown that letter away. It's long gone by now and probably in ashes in a dump... _

"You got it, runt?" The red haired guy took a handful of Shuichi's hair and pulled it up so that their eyes would meet. Shuichi glared back into his eyes. He said nothing. His stomach churned. He was afraid to say anything wrong. After a few seconds, the guy threw him back against the alley wall. Shuichi's body slid against it as it came to the ground painfully, he heard one of them say, "Let's go." Quickly, all five of them left. Not looking back to see if the singer had enough energy to stand up.

Pain. So much. _Why though? Is Yuki really worth all of this? There was a really small flame of hope inside of me...it was there. That this fight wouldn't mean anything and we'd be ok. Our love...or is it just my love for him? _Shuichi slowly stood up trying not to make anyting else hurt more than it had to. He clutched his side as it pulsed in pain from being kicked so many times. _What happened with ASK was for a different reason. That was just to bring Bad Luck out of the business. This though...it really was about me and Yuki. I realize though, I do love him. Whether he loves me back though is for him to decide._ He wanted to sigh but his chest plate and his ribs only screamed in pain when he drew his breath.

_Only a few more houses over...just get to Hiro's...that's all that matters right now... _Shuichi knew he'd have pleanty of time to think this through tomorrow. "Oh gosh, I hope he's not sleeping..." He said quietly to himself. "Oh well." He didn't have the energy to pound on the door so he just repetedly rang the doorbell. Nothing happened. "Goddammit, Hiro!" His voice was hoarse. "Open up! Please!" He yelled at up at the bedroom window. After a few seconds, a light went on in the window. "Thank god..." Relief filled his breath.

"Shuichi, I don't understand why you don't jus-" Hiro stared down at his friend. He was dirty, his clothes were ripped and dried blood on his temple from the head wound. "Sh- Shui...chi...?"

"Who do you think it is?" Shuichi coughed out wishing Hiro would have been able to read his thoughts.

"What...happened to you?" Hiro helped him stand up and got him over the threshold. "Yuki-san didn't do this to you, did he?"

Shuichi half laughed, "No, of course not." He winced as Hiro helped him sit down on a couch in the living room. "We got into a stupid fight as usual. I was heading over to your place when some guys decided to beat the shit out of me."

"What did they want? Money?"

"No..." Shuichi put a hand over his face to hide the tears. "It was _because_ I love Yuki."

Hiro's eyes widened, "It wasn't ASK was it?"

"Nah, those guys gave up a long time ago. I've never seen these guys before. They just came out of nowhere trying to slap their beliefs into me." _More like beat it into me._

Not wanting to push him much more about the details, he decided to ask some more important questions, "Do you think you need to go to the hospital?"

"Just some bruises and cuts."

"What about the concert?"

"I'll be fine for that. If Sakano or Mr. K have a problem with my appearance there's always make up."

Hiro sighed, "Well, I guess we should get you changed and bandaged up. You can shower if you want to."

A small smile of graditude crept on Shuichi's lips, "Thanks, Hiro. I really don't know what I'd do without you."

"Heh, me neither."

* * *

Once Shuichi had been cleaned, bandaged, and changed, he crawled into the guest bed that Hiro lent him. He had become familiar with it over the years he had been with Yuki. Hiro was used to it and although it bugged him Shuichi let Yuki treat him the way he did, he never minded helping his friend out. Shuichi closed his eyes and thanked the white asprin pills for starting to work their "Yay-Pain-Goes-Away" magic and drifted into a dream. Rather, a nightmare.

_"I can't breathe!" His cries echoed, unheard by the darkness around him. He felt as though a giant anvil was dropped on his whole body. It wasn't the pain he felt persay, but the pressure. The fear. "Am I...really dying...?" His thoughts faded._

A yell. Crying. Shuichi held himself as he realized it had only been a nightmare. "I hate this...why...?" He was crying hard now. "WHY?"

His crying woke Hiro. He didn't leave his room though. He knew that Shuichi needed to handle this himself. It was painful for him to listen to. Eventually, it died down.

Back in in the guest room, Shuichi was crying still, but silently. "Why...Why...Why..." He slowly fell asleep repeating the word.


	8. You

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: ...seriously...

* * *

Chapter 8 : You

In the morning, Shuichi found himself to be a lot more sore than he thought he would be. At first when he walked he limped slightly but found his footing and found a less painful way to walk that didn't look so bizarre. Hiro didn't want to let him out of his sight, but Shuichi finally convinced him to do so when he had to go back to NG to get his concert clothing. Hiro didn't really have a reason to be there since the concert was going to be at Tokio Hotel and that Shuichi probably needed some time alone to think. "Is your phone charged at least?" He asked before parting with him.

Shuichi didn't give him any rebellious remarks against his worry. In fact he was quite grateful. "Yeah. It is. Thanks, Hiro."

Hiro just smiled and waved as he turned around and walked towards Tokio Hotel. Shuichi took a deep breath before he passed the sliding doors. He didn't have any make up on yet and was hoping no one would stop him on the way to the storage room for his clothing. Everything went well until Ryuchi stopped him on the way back from the room, "SHUICHI!!" He pounced on him.

"AAAAAHHHH!!" Was Shuichi's response when he hit the ground. Now he was in even more pain.

The brown haired singer backed off of him, "Shu...ichi...?"

Shuichi didn't respond at first he slowly helped himself up, wincing at the pain. "Ah...don't worry about it..."

Naturally, Ryuichi did. "Shuichi! You're all covered in boo-boos!!" He felt bad now about surprising him.

"Yeah. I got beat up last night. I'll be ok though. I gotta get to the concert place though. I'll talk to you later." Shuichi tried to speed up their conversation. He didn't want to run into anyone else.

As Shuichi left his sight, "Please don't lose your sparkle, Shuichi..." His Kumagoro dropped to his side.

Just when he thought it was over, just who had to come round the corner. "Ah, Shindou-san."

_Why must this always happen right when I'm almost out of the war zone? _"Seguchi-sama?" He asked in the politest way he could and eyed the exit doors of the building.

Tohma forgot what he was going to ask the singer when he saw his condition. "Get into a scrape last night?"

Shuichi sighed, fed up with the questions. "Yeah. I'm alright." He started to walk away, "I have to get to Tokio Hotel though. See you tomorrow, Seguchi-sama." And with that, he was out of the war zone. Tohma's presence.

Back in Tohma's office, he wondered whether he should tell Yuki about Shuichi. Well, he would know about it if the kid's living with him, right? He made himself accept this thought and moved on with his work. He would have expected Shuichi to be a little bit stand offish to him. Even if he was his boss just because Tohma had opposed Yuki and Shuichi's relationship from the start. Even then, something didn't seem right.

* * *

Once Sakano and Mr. K had a look at him, they were angry yet sympathetic at the same time.

"SHINOOOOUUU-KUUUNNN!!" Sakano yelled with the overly emotional stream of tears running down his face.

"Sorry, Shindo-san, but you really do look like shit." Suguru couldn't leave his opinion out.

"Oh, you're so ever helpful." Shuichi rolled his eyes.

"Leave him alone, guys." Hiro came to his rescue. "He looked a lot worse last night." He then turned to Mr. K, "Do we have anybody in the make up department that could help him out?"

But Shuichi changed his mind about the make up, "No, it's alright, the only lights on the stage will be the colored ones. I don't plan on stopping for any fans anyway." He didn't want to have the make up plastered to his face later and worry about washing it off.

Hiro sighed, "Alright, Shuichi."

Eventually, Sakano and Suguru stopped bugging him. The rest of the day went on uneventful. The practiced and helped get the stage settings set up. They were the only band playing tonight so they didn't have to worry about changing the instruments around. The only other thing that happened was that Mr. K somehow misplaced his hand gun. Mr. K only raised hell for a little while until he realized he had forgotten to load the gun.

* * *

It was about half hour before the show, and the crowd was filling the club. Shuichi leaned against his forearm on a wall backstage. He was dazed. Surprisingly, Mr. K was the one to comfort him. "I don't know the details, Shuichi, but I can tell you it will be alright."

Shuichi honestly smiled back at him, "Yeah, I know. It will be."

Mr. K smiled back at his optimism. "That's the Shuichi I know." Before he left he said, "Do your best tonight. I know you will, but maybe you can burn off some frustration tonight."

"I'll try that." Shuichi was grateful for the advice.

* * *

Back in the lonely apartment, Yuki found himself struggling to concentrate on his writing. _Arg, it's not enough for you to make me upset but you have to totally distract me too when you're not even near me?!_ Yuki was screaming in his mind. He sighed and stared at the screen. He didn't even have the stories in his head. Every time he thought of something else, it was some how connected to Shuichi and the web always came back to the pink haired singer. "Shuichi…" He let his body go limp in the computer chair and stared up at the ceiling.

"Shu," Hiro popped up behind Shuichi backstage, "Five minutes before we're on." He placed a hand on Shuichi's shoulder, "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah." Shuichi was still sore but felt something was wrong.

"Alright." Hiro started to walk away with an optimistic smile.

"Hey….Hiro?" Shuichi asked, but didn't turn to his friend, "Did Mr. K ever find his gun?"

"Uh, no. He found his other one in the van. Why?"

"Nothing…just wondering." He turned to Hiro with a big smile. "Let's get this thing going." He walked past Hiro towards the stage.

Hiro couldn't tell if his friend's sudden optimism was fake or not. This made him worry but he decided it was best to let Shuichi sort it himself instead of asking him about it.

As Shuichi and the rest of Bad Luck came onto the stage, the crowd screamed with delight. Shuichi took the microphone into his hands, "Alright everybody, we have a couple new songs for you and we hope you enjoy the show!!" The crowd just screamed louder. Shuichi scanned the crowd, with the slightest hope Yuki would show. He wasn't there…

Shuichi didn't let it get to him. He had to do this. Yuki or no Yuki. Hiro and Suguru started playing and he came out of his trance. _This one is for you Yuki._

"What funny masks we all wear

I could have sworn mine was broken, broken

Along with all my emotions!

But it's obvious to see now that it's strong than ever

Or is it just your complacency?" And he fell into his singing. Though, thoughts of Yuki still lingered in his mind.

* * *

Yuki sighed and stared at the clock on the wall of his study. "The concert already started…" He stared at the ticket still on his desk. _I'm not getting anything done anyway…but I bet Shu wouldn't want to talk to me after the concert anyway…_ After several minutes of contemplation, Yuki ended up getting his coat and shoes on and leaving the apartment, clutching the ticket.

* * *

"Whichever it is…it tortures me to the core…

Bring me back, please bring me back

I want to feel again

Where is your heart?

I cannot see it through the dark." _It's alright really, if it weren't for Yuki I might not have made it this far._

* * *

Yuki's steps got faster as he got to his car. _Why am I rushing?_ He didn't give himself time to answer the question.

* * *

"No matter how many good memories I think of

Nothing can change the current state of rejection!

Or is it just because I'm numb?

Whichever it is it tortures me to the core…"_ I do love him though. I really don't want to leave him…I can't take much more of this cycle…_

* * *

He parked his car. Probably in a spot he shouldn't have, but it didn't really matter at the moment. Yuki knew that the front of the club would be packed, so he managed to find a back entrance. The writer ended up facing right in front of the stage with the crowd. Shuichi was right above him. "Shuichi…" He mumbled to himself though it wasn't heard by anyone through the music of Bad Luck and the crowd behind him.

"Bring me back, please bring me back

I want to feel again

Even if it is pain…" Shuichi still had not spotted his lover among the crowd. It would have been hard to seem him anyway considering where Yuki had placed himself.

Just as Shuichi was about to start the bridge that Yuki had not heard yet, there was a loud, "BANG" higher up in the club. Probably from the stands. It pierced through the music which stopped immediately after it's entrance in the sound field.

At first the pain ached, then it screamed in his chest. In his fall to the stage floor, Shuichi found Yuki's face in the crowd. When their eyes met, Shuichi smiled weakly to himself. "Yuki…"


	9. Mask

Here it is! …Vultures XD (See the bottom of the chapter for rest of my lovely comments XDDD)

Series: Gravitation(the anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: ……………….I think I'll just stop with these already

* * *

Chapter 9 : Mask

Within seconds of the bullet entering his chest, his body falling to the stage floor and the realization of what had just happened; Shuichi felt warm, strong arms holding him. "Yuki?" He asked with a weak smile. The singer reached up to touch his lover's face. Something real. So he knew he hadn't faded yet.

Yuki held Shuichi's hand. "Hold on, Shu." Inside, Yuki was falling apart. There was yelling around him. He heard Hiro yell, "Someone get an ambulance!" and the crowd screaming in fear and in shock at seeing their idol fall. At first, Yuki didn't see the wound, and thought it wasn't serious. Then he felt the blood seeping through the back of Shuichi's shirt

"Yuki…I'm sorry I left last night, I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm sorry I slapped you." Shuichi felt tears in his eyes.

The writer wiped the tears away from Shuichi's amethyst eyes. "Hush. It'll be alright." He held him close.

Shuichi gripped his lover's shirt. "I'm scared…" He started to feel his consciousness slip. So did his hold onto Yuki.

"Shuichi! Stay awake!" Yuki yelled at him in fear.

"Yuki…" Shuichi said faintly, "It's getting…hard to hear…" His eyes slowly shut. "Oh, it's dark here..." Shuichi felt himself falling. "Where...is this place?" He kept reaching for someone to pull him back up to the surface. No matter how far his arm seemed to stretch through the darkness, the pressure pushed him down farther against his chest. That's when he heard his name being called. The owner of the voice sounded like and angel. Shuichi recognized it. It was a pained call but to Shuichi it still was a beautiful voice. "Yuki? Is that you...?" He tried to break through the pain, "I can't leave! Let me go!" He screamed. "Yuki! Where are you...?" The pain finally caught him and he couldn't move anymore. His thoughts started to blur. "Yuki..." His voice started to fade in his head. "I love you, Yuki...I can't breathe!" His cries echoed, unheard by the darkness around him. He felt as though a giant anvil was dropped on his whole body. It wasn't the pain he felt per say, but the pressure. The fear. "Am I...really dying...?" His thoughts faded.

* * *

When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics wouldn't let Yuki on. Not wanting to waste time, they finally gave up and let him go with them. On the way to the hospital, Yuki held Shuichi's hand. His head was spinning. He feared that his calm collected self would break if Shuichi didn't make it. How could he lose this ball of sunshine? He was the column of mental support since what happened in New York and those years of solitude and depression. The energetic singer had wormed his way into Yuki's life. He had saved him. Even if he made it a little more stressful. He couldn't leave him now…could he?

All these thoughts were shot at him when they took him into the operating room and he was forced to sit in the waiting room. Hours passed. In the first hour, Hiro, Suguru, Mr. K, and Sakano had arrived at the hospital. Mr. K had mentioned something about killing the bastard that did this, but Yuki didn't really hear it. In the third hour, Tohma arrived. Yuki didn't know whether this was a comforting thing or just another stress. "Eiri," Tohma didn't know what to say. The whole thing was just a shock. An attack out of nowhere? Who could have expected such an act?

Yuki hid his face in his hands. "What the fuck is taking them so long?"

"He was shot in the chest, Eiri. It's going to take time." Tohma sat down next to him.

Overwhelmed by the worry of the situation, Yuki started to drift into a slumber. He tried to stay awake. Just for Shuichi…but the hours got longer…or were they minutes? When will this be over…

"Eiri!" Yuki felt a hand shaking his shoulder.

"Eh?" Yuki woke, annoyed and then remember what had happened before he fell asleep.

"The doctor's here. He wants to talk to you."

Yuki stood up quickly and faced the man in the white coat. The man shook his hand, "Dr. Imai."

"Eiri Uesugi." Yuki replied.

"Are you family of Mr. Shindou?" Dr. Imai asked.

"No, I'm his lover." Yuki replied.

"Have his parents arrived?"

"No…we haven't been able to reach them yet."

Dr. Imai sighed, "Alright then." He tried to rethink how to address Yuki with the news. "The bullet penetrated through the left chest wall, missing his heart. He's breathing on a respirator right now but he's in a coma." He paused to let the information soak, "He has a fifty percent chance of surviving." He could see the horror in Yuki's eyes. Dr. Imai looked behind Yuki and saw the members of Bad Luck waiting also. "Would you like to see him?" He asked Yuki.

Yuki nodded blankly and followed Dr. Imai to Shuichi's room. Dr. Imai directed him to the bed in the back of the room. "I'll arrange it so that you'll be able to stay with him for the night."

The writer muttered a semi-automatic, "Thank you.", dazed as he walked to the back of the room.

Dr. Imai nodded to himself and then left him so he could have a moment with Shuichi. As Yuki pulled back the curtain, his fears were confirmed. Shuichi was lying there. Weak, and small. So pale…it would have been silence if it weren't for the EKG machine and the respirator. _Is that really him?_ Yuki stared in disbelief. He looked so peaceful. And yet, something was wrong. As if his face was trying to hide a horrible nightmare in his sleep. Like a mask…

Yuki sank into the chair next to Shuichi's bed. He held one of Shuichi's hands in his. "Shu…" He held it tighter as he forced himself to face that Shuichi might not live through this. The writer hung his head. He wondered how he was able to be so calm through this. Wouldn't any normal boyfriend be balling his eyes out at the chance of losing the one closest to them? Yuki then started to become angry at himself when he felt a small movement from inside his hands that was not his. He looked back up at the unconscious singer. He saw movement in his lips.

"Yu…ki…" The boy whispered in his sleep.

The smallest hope overwhelmed Yuki. It was even harder to accept now that Shuichi might slip away. Finally, the pained tears came. Silently, they crept from Yuki's eyes and released so much emotion and fear that had been held by such a pieced-together mask slowly being broken from a crack that had been created years ago.

* * *

A/N: To spite the fact that you ARE all vultures, you are awesome readers. Thanks so much for the constructive criticism and comments. Even the ones that say I'm evil. Seriously, when I go into my inbox and see I have 30 unread fanfiction messages and then I read the reviews I literally, evilly, laugh. I believe I scared my younger brother a few times who has just started watching Gravitation(He's a test subject. I wanted to see a guy's reaction towards the show, 'cuz God knows I couldn't get my cousins to watch it.) He makes jokes about it every five minutes like, "ZOMG. TOHMA LOOKS LIKE A FREEKIN GIRLY!" And I have to slap him upside the head but overall he likes it which is a good thing, right? XD

**Spirit's Whisper:** Wow! Thanks very much for reviewing all the chapters! Yeah, I fixed the transition thing. I got a bit confused too o.0

**Flying Jade:** Yes. Moi is evil XDD

**Paon**,** Naruta13** and **Amber Hermione:** Yeah, I wanted to make the reader somewhat prepared for the cliffhanger with K's gun missing and all. I'm not SO evil

**TWEG & 801**, **A Gravitation Fan**, **Darkmetal Angel of Destruction**, **coffee-house-girl**, **gravichick**, and **sana-chan9**: Thank you SO much for following my story from when I first put it up here. You guys were awesome encouragement.

**Don't think that this long thank you means the end of the story! I'm just letting you guys know how much you've helped out. So, thanks again!**


	10. Believe

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: Nah, these are just too fun to mess with XD

* * *

Chapter 10 : Believe

A few days passed and Shuichi was still in his coma. Yuki heard from Tohma that the authorities had found out who shot Shuichi but had not captured them yet. They were an Anti-Homosexuality group from America. So Shuichi was somewhat correct about them being tourists that heard about them. Of course by now Bad Luck was even big in America, so there was a big uproar when they heard about the attack on Shuichi. The attacker's names hadn't been confirmed yet. Everyone could only wait if and when Shuichi woke up.

All this information just made Yuki angrier, "I don't give a shit about that! Just fucking find them and kill them or I'll do it myself!" He told Tohma. He was already mad that Tohma hadn't gotten to the hospital earlier when Shuichi was shot, but Tohma tried to tell him it was traffic. Yuki still wouldn't hear it.

He knew that Tohma would rather not have that happen and decided to intensify his searches with Mr. K. Tohma had tried to convince Yuki to go home. He was worried because Yuki was never this adamant when it came to Shuichi. He also worried that Shuichi might never wake up and Yuki might have gone into a deep depression. That was the last thing he wanted.

Painfully, a week passed and Shuichi made no progress. The doctors did a CAT scan on him to make sure that he indeed have brain activity and that he just wasn't a sack of lifeless flesh. Thankfully, it confirmed that Shuichi still had a good chance of waking, but not knowing when was still hard. Yuki still sat in the chair next to Shuichi's bed the whole week. He knew if he went home he wouldn't have the energy to try and write his novel. He also knew that he could only stay here for so long before he'd have to let Shuichi go.

* * *

Yuki didn't really have much to do except sleep and when he did, he had nightmares about what happened with Kitazawa and then the dream would fade into an imaginary funeral for Shuichi. It was the same one every time he closed his eyes. It would go from when Tohma was holding a hysterically crying Yuki to a placid place with gravestones all around. He would stare into the casket at a pale face. He wanted to see those deep purple eyes so badly. He wanted to breathe in the essence of the now silent ball of energy that he once neglected. In the dream he remembered that Hiro somehow blamed Yuki for this. That he had pushed Shuichi too far and that if he had just let Shuichi go earlier, none of this would have ever happened. He was probably right. Yuki couldn't remember if he cried at all in this dream. Just that he didn't want this dream to come true.

* * *

Still in the darkness, Shuichi felt strength come back to his being. "Ah…I can move now?" He stared back up at the surface. How did he know he'd be able to push through this? If he did, would that mean he'd be in heaven? Or would he live again? He didn't really see any other option. "I can't stay in this darkness forever. Especially if I feel strong enough to pull through this time…" He reached to what he'd hoped was the life he missed so much.

Back in reality, Shuichi slowly opened his eyes. He couldn't figure out where he was. Everything was white and blurry. The only other indication that he might be alive was that there was a faint smell of antibiotics. Shuichi didn't really pay attention to that though. Disoriented he said, "Oh…I guess I died…" He sighed to himself sadly and disappointed trying to accept it as best as he could. "Although, if I'm in heaven, why is my chest still hurting? I didn't think you were supposed to be in pain in heaven…" He sighed.

Yuki snapped up quickly from the crumpled position in his chair in which he was sleeping when he heard the singer's weak voice. He had become a light sleeper during the week in that chair so that even the slightest sound woke him. He held Shuichi's face in his hands, "Shuichi!" He didn't allow the tears to come through though they were fighting hard, "Don't say that!"

"Oh, Yuki? You're here?" Shuichi smiled weakly, "Well, I don't mind being dead if I can be in heaven with you."

"You idiot!" He embraced Shuichi. _Please don't say that. Not after everything that's happened._

"Yuki…?" Shuichi felt himself starting to cry. He smiled and wrapped his arms around Yuki to spite the tug of the IV's in his arm. "Oh, Yuki! I'm so happy, I-"

The writer pulled away from the hug and wiped away Shuichi's tears. "I love you." Even Yuki couldn't believe he was saying it. He felt as though this whole incident had broken part of his stone heart.

Shuichi stared back at him with his amazing eyes. He also couldn't believe Yuki said that. _This is real…I'm not dreaming…I'm not dead...Yuki said he loved me…_He was speechless.

"I love you." Yuki repeated and then kissed Shuichi. _He's alive. He's ok. _He told himself. It was hard for him to grasp though how narrowly Shuichi had escaped his potential future in total darkness. But it was ok now. It would be alright.

If only. As much as it was relieving to know that Shuichi would be alright, Shuichi still had to go through rehabilitation and then find out who had done this to him. And even after all of that, would everything truly be alright?

* * *

A/N: The scene where Shuichi wakes up and Yuki calls him an idiot is stolen from the last episode/chapter from Peach Girl(well the script anyway). I thought it fit everything considering the circumstances. This chapter was so hard. I wasn't sure if I had ended it the right way. Anyway, here's some info on CAT scans(my mom's a radiation oncologist so I know a little bit about it):

Computed tomography (CT) is a medical imaging method employing tomography. Digital geometry processing is used to generate a three-dimensional image of the inside of an object from a large series of two-dimensional X-ray images taken around a single axis of rotation. The word "tomography" is derived from the Greek _tomos_ (slice) and _graphein_ (to write).Computed tomography was originally known as the "EMI scan" as it was developed at a research branch of EMI, a company best known today for its music and recording business. It was later known as _computed axial tomography_ (CAT or CT scan) and _body section roentgenography_. CT produces a volume of data which can be manipulated, through a process known as _windowing_, in order to demonstrate various structures based on their ability to block the X-ray beam. Although historically (see below) the images generated were in the axial or transverse plane (orthogonal to the long axis of the body), modern scanners allow this volume of data to be reformatted in various planes or even as volumetric (3D) representations of structures.

Article from


	11. Truth

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: D:

* * *

Chapter 11 : Truth

Everyone was overwhelmed with relief when they saw that Shuichi had pulled through. Of course Shuichi's mom and sister were crying and eventually his dad had to pull them off of him. Dr. Imai was surprised that he had woken up when he did. He was also surprised that he had survived considering the beating Shuichi had received the night before he was shot.

The rehabilitation process was slow and painful for the singer, but Yuki and Hiro were there to support him. As Shuichi was rebuilding his strength, Yuki felt comfortable to leave him alone at the hospital at night. He along with Mr. K and others tried to track down the bastards that put Shuichi through this.

It turned out that these people that had attacked him were also wanted in America for numerous attacks. They had already killed two people before but no one had ever been able to catch them. American fans were outraged that they went as far as to shoot a Japanese pop-star just to spread their beliefs in what's right and wrong when it comes to sexuality.

* * *

When Shuichi was finally, completely healed, he was called to the police station to identify his attackers. It turns out the red haired guy was Louis Ward and the other four guys were Thomas Cross, Craig Saunders, Joseph Noll, and Kris Hyle. Too bad it wasn't going to be easy to track them down. The airports didn't have any records yet of them leaving Japan and would contact the people in charge of the investigation if they did. Just so that Tohma was sure, he put ASK under investigation also which Taki didn't appreciate. But the authorities found no ties between them and the guys that attacked Shuichi. Back to square one.

"I'm home, Yuki!!" Shuichi yelled in happiness as he came through the door of their apartment. It had been a month since the attack on the young singer and he was healed. Even though the attackers had not been caught he got by. He still had nightmares at night about being in the darkness alone again. Yuki would always comfort him through it all.

"Alright." Yuki mumbled from his study.

Shuichi still smiled as he went through the mail pile. Since the incident, it had been impossible for Tohma to stop the fan mail getting to the apartment. The singer didn't mind much though. He got a few letters from American fans and even one from a talk show host named Ellen DeGeneres, who was a lesbian and well known in America. Yuki had of course said "No way" and Shuichi pouted for awhile and gave up on it.

He continued to flip through the letters, "Bill, Bill, Fan letter to Yuki, Bill-" he stopped at one addressed to him. He gulped and turned it over. _No return address again…Should I open it?_ He listened intently to see if Yuki was still typing. _He won't possibly hear me opening a dumb letter. _He stared back down at it. _Still…it's just a piece of paper, right? _He carefully tore it open and pulled out the letter.

"_Shuichi Shindou,_

_Looks like you don't die too easily. Too bad you didn't take our second warning. Trust that we won't give up._

_-The one that stands up for what's right_"

"These guys just don't stop!" Shuichi thought out loud literally.

"What was that?" Yuki asked from the study.

_Oh, shit…_ Shuichi jumped, "Ah, n- n- nothing!"

_What does he expect me to think?_ Yuki came into the kitchen where Shuichi was. "What were you reading?" He stared down at the singer.

"Nhmgehur." Shuichi replied with the paper in his mouth and a smile as fake as it could get.

Yuki rolled his eyes, "Spit it out, brat."

Shuichi hung his head guilty. _There's no way I'm going to be able to hide it now._ He pulled the paper out of his mouth and put it up to Yuki's face. "Love confessions to you." He mumbled and clenched his teeth as his other hand clutched the real letter.

"That's all?" Yuki sighed, "Just throw it away."

"M'kay!" Shuichi bounded towards the trashcan. Yuki watched him as he turned away and then saw the piece of paper from the other hand.

Yuki caught up with him and grabbed the paper from his hand. "And what's this?"

Shuichi looked up at him, mortified. "It's uh…uh…" He stammered.

"What do you mean, "Uh"?!" Yuki raised his voice.

"Just give it back!" Shuichi jumped up and tried to reach it as Yuki held it up.

Unfortunately, Yuki was able to read it even with Shuichi bouncing around. "Second warning?" Yuki had already been told about the beating. "What was the first one?!"

Shuichi stood there. Not sure if he should tell him the truth or not. Yuki glared at him and Shuichi glared back. Shuichi lost the contest, "They sent me a letter before they shot me." He faced down at the floor, his hand in a fist. "They said that my life would be on the line unless I left you." He didn't look back up at Yuki. "I didn't take it seriously and threw it away. Then the night before the concert they tried to make me leave you again. They took the notion that I wasn't going to and that's why they shot me at the concert." Now he looked up at the writer who was angry now.

"Why didn't you tell me about the letter, Shuichi?" Yuki tried to keep his cool.

Shuichi knew it was bad when he was saying his name instead of "damn brat". "I told you! I didn't think it was serious!"

"What about this time? You were going to try and hide it again!"

"I didn't want you to worry!"

"So you want me worrying when you're even closer to death next time?!" Yuki bellowed.

Shuichi finally shut up. _Yuki's never been upset like this…_

Yuki bent down on his knees so that they would be eye to eye. "Shuichi." He held up the singer's head. "Do you really think that I don't care?" _It's hard enough for me to be this emotional._ "Is that why I sat next to your hospital bed for a week straight until you woke up?"

"Yuki…" His eyes started to fill up with tears. "I'm sorry." He stifled.

Yuki sighed and pulled Shuichi into a hug, "As much as I want to say 'It's ok', Shuichi, it isn't." He tightened his hug. "I…I don't want to lose you…" He finally admitted.

_Does he really mean that?_ Shuichi still had tears in his eyes. "Yuki…do you really mean that?" He just had to know. He couldn't be played.

"Why wouldn't I?!"

"Well," Shuichi pulled away, "You always call me names, you ignore me when you are writing, and when you have a deadline you always push me away. To the edge." Shuichi couldn't believe it was pouring out of his mouth. _I'm sorry, Yuki. But it's true. It hurts. _

Yuki stared at him in disbelief.

"I feel like I'm going to fall off that edge! And last time I just barely missed falling off totally. And then it's ok for you when your deadline is done, and you can go back to being ok and I'm still hurt. But I keep pushing and pushing it aside because I love you." Shuichi stopped at those words.

There seemed to be undying silence between the two when the phone rang. Yuki was the one to answer it. "Yeah, he's here. Why?" He glanced over at Shuichi. His face perked at the response from the other end of the line. "Right, we'll be there." He hung up the phone and went to get his shoes on.

"What is it? Where are you going?!" Shuichi asked impatiently.

"They caught one of the guys at the airport, Shu. They want you to identify him." Yuki threw a coat at Shuichi.

The singer gulped. Looking at pictures of them was one thing, but being with them in person…that…that was going to be hard for him.

"Come on!" Yuki was getting annoyed as he waited for Shuichi to get his shoes on.

Shuichi didn't respond. He felt a bit intimidated now that he was going to have to face his attackers. It would be like going through the whole beating not to mention the shooting all over again.

* * *

A/N: I am SO sorry I didn't get this up earlier. My school's having state standardized testing for yesterday and the rest of today which makes me get up at like 5 am and stay at the testing site till late in the afternoon so I haven't been able to work on this. To tell you the truth, I'm having a really hard time with this now that there isn't much suspense so I'm open to opinions.

**Spirit's Whisper**: I haven't read the manga(due to being totally broke) yet so I won't be able squeeze Riku in until maybe later.

**Naruta13**: I LOOOOVE OREOS XD


	12. Past

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclamer: -.-"

* * *

Chapter 12 : Past

The whole way to the police station, Shuichi felt like he was going to vomit. It would seem simple to anyone for him to face these guys. After all, it wasn't like he had been gang raped. _It was just a beating…_ Shuichi thought to himself. _So why am I so nervous?_ Normally when Shuichi was this nervous he'd be fidgeting. But he said nothing on the way to the station. He just stared out into nothingness. _Somehow…I feel like there's more to this than what meets the eye…then again. It's just a feeling. _He tried to reassure himself.

Yuki looked over at the singer when they were at a red light. Shuichi seemed dazed and just out of it. _Jeeze…thought he had gotten over most of the trauma by now._ He thought to himself.

* * *

"Then why did you take the gun?!" Tohma hit his fist on the desk. "Answer me!"

The man just glared back at him when someone came into the room, "Seguchi-san," The owner of this voice was from the investigator on the case. And it was annoyed. "This could be considered tampering with the witness. Please leave. You're not the investigator."

Tohma gave him a cold glare and then left the interrogation room. He sighed; _I called Eiri-san awhile ago already. What in the world is taking him so long? _Hestared out the window of the police department. His mind drifted to the memory of seeing Yuki on his knees on the floor of that building in New York; shaking with a gun in his hand. He remembered kneeling down and embracing the crying boy as he saw that Yuki Kitazawa was dead in a pool of blood. What had he done?

The Nittle Grasper keyboardist partially blamed himself for what happened to Yuki. No, he did blame himself. He's the one who insisted on send in Yuki to New York to meet Kitazawa. He trusted him and…_Damnit!_ Tohma punched the nearest wall. He knew that Mika had forgiven him about the whole thing and tried to convince him that it wasn't his fault. But no matter what anyone told him, he'd have to convince himself that he couldn't have prevented the incident. Even when Yuki had told him to screw off and that it didn't matter anymore, it just made him even angrier at himself. That he created the person that Yuki was now.

Now...when Yuki had finally found a person to make him stable…Shindou Shuichi…and he was almost killed. Since the whole incident with Kitazawa, Yuki had been an emotionless person, trying to battle the depression on his own. Even when he tried to deny the medication. When Yuki met Shuichi, he became more stressed out, but overall being with Shuichi made him happier, even if he didn't show it or admit it. He was the hope that kept him hanging on.

_And those bastards tried to take it away! I will never forgive them…_ Tohma promised himself. He was probably just as angry as Yuki if not more. As much as he wanted to put away the assholes that did this for Yuki's revenge, he also had somewhat gotten used to Shuichi. It didn't bug him that he was with Yuki anymore. Heck, it was better than the writer being totally pissed off at Ayaka. And look at how well it worked out for her and Hiro.

Tohma looked back out the window. _Where are they already?! You'd think they'd want to get these guys caught!_ He rubbed his temples to relieve the aggravation. He was never usually this upset. _Just calm down…_

* * *

Traffic was keeping Yuki and Shuichi behind. Yuki had honked the horn of his Mercedes a few times, but it made not significant progress in the cars ahead of them. He sighed in defeat and leaned back against his seat. _Now Tohma's going to be the one bitching about me being late. _He thought angrily. He looked at Shuichi who had been silent the whole ride. Again, his eyes were lost in what seemed to be a deep day dream. "Oi," Yuki shook him lightly. "What are you staring at?"

Shuichi blinked, coming out of his trance and stared up at Yuki. "Uh…nothing really. Just lyrics for Bad Luck's new album." He quickly lied. _I don't feel like explaining this paranoia to Yuki…_

Deciding not to accuse Shuichi of lying even though Yuki knew he was, he asked the singer, "Care to share them?"

"Eh?! Now?" Shuichi moaned.

"There's nothing else to do." Yuki stared out the window. "Why not?"

Shuichi gulped_, Damn. Uh. Just some random song…does it matter if it's in English? No…Yuki knows my English sucks. He'll figure out I'm just coming off of memory…_ he struggled to write the non existent song in his thoughts.

"Well?" Yuki was so bored he was tempted to light a cigarette. He knew that would probably make Shuichi sing. The pink haired boy always hated it when Yuki smoked and told him he'd get cancer if he kept doing it. He had stopped smoking one less cigarette daily when Shuichi had bugged him enough about it.

The singer came up with the final option. Being difficult. "I don't feel like sharing. It sucks." He grumbled and looked out the window hoping Yuki would leave him alone now.

"I'm the only one allowed to judge that." Yuki scoffed.

Shuichi ignored him. He hated doing this. "I'm tired, Yuki." He pretended to start to fall asleep.

Yuki shook his head knowing he wouldn't get anywhere with Shuichi in this mood. He stared ahead at the traffic. It was finally starting to move anyway. _Finally…_ Yuki thought thankfully.

_Why can't the people who did this to me just die? Then it will be all over. I can forget. I don't want to see these guys. I'm only going to feel even shittier when we get to the station if it's possible. I just know it._ He shifted so that he was staring at the ceiling of the car. _I don't want to do this…_

* * *

The arrival to the police station wasn't soon enough for Tohma or Yuki but Shuichi would have loved to wait a few more hours. He could tell that Tohma was a bit edgy but knew that he was still trying to be patient with him. "So, where is this guy?" Yuki asked.

"In the room third on the left down that hall. But I don't think they want you guys to go in. They want Shindo-san to pick him out of a lineup." Tohma explained.

_Thank god…_ But Shuichi's gratitude was shattered when he heard an officer come into the lobby and asked for him to come into the room. He gulped and felt Yuki's hand on his shoulder. He knew it was for support but it only made the thoughts in his head more stressful. Yuki half pushed him towards the room.

"Are you ready?" The officer asked before he opened the door.

_No._ "Yes." Shuichi replied trying to make sure his voice didn't crack.

The officer nodded and opened the door. Yuki and another person; possibly legal personnel came into the room with him. He scanned over the first four guys in the line up. None of them looked familiar. Then Shuichi's eyes widened in horror as he saw who held up a "5" sign. Shuichi just stared. The bells rang in his head as the connections through his memories of the beating came to life in his thoughts. The guy stared right back with angry but guilty eyes as if he could see him behind the one way mirror. "D- D- D- Dais- Daisuke-kun?!" He stammered and fell backwards before Yuki caught him. He was saying something to Shuichi but he couldn't hear him. _No…no way….he…._ Shuichi was screaming inside his mind. _Why...? He would never do this...It can't be...it's just a mistake...  
_

* * *

A/N: As you can see it would have been near to impossible to grab an existing character and manipulate them into the story so I just had to make an OC. I realllyyy didn't want to. I honestly don't know how the Japanese justice system so if someone recognizes that I messed up(I just stole what I know about the American system) let me know. Also, the names for those five guys were just random creations of those weird names from spam mail, teacher's last names and swim team mate's last names(I know they must be feeling SO honored) -gets brick thrown at head-

EDIT: Thanks very much to **Yukitoshuu Itsumademo** for pointing out my idiotic errors in the system I made up in this chapter; they were fixed.

**coffee-house-girl**: Yeah, I used your suggestion about Tohma flipping a bit. It was fun to write XD

**Naruta13**: -munches on oroes and thin crisps- nomnomnom XD


	13. Cloudy

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: ...screw you already...

* * *

Chapter 13 : Cloudy

Shuichi stared at the man behind the one sided mirror. He felt his chest tighten like a vice as if the bullet wound had been reopened. His purple eyes became wide with fear. It took him a few minutes to come back into reality. And a few good shakings from Yuki.

"Shuichi!" The singer finally heard his lover's pained calls.

He blinked, his eyes now their normal size. It was then he realized he was on the floor in Yuki's arms.

"Shuichi!" Yuki yelled again still not knowing if he had the boy's attention.

"I hear you Yuki!" Shuichi yelled back.

"Well you didn't the first twenty times!" He helped Shuichi back onto his feet. "What the hell was that about? The officer said that none of those guys' names is Daisuke."

Shuichi turned his head from Yuki back to the line up and stared at the man once more. "No, Yuki." He got closer to the screen, "That's impossible." He pressed his forehead against the glass.

The investigator spoke up confused, "Shindou-san? What are you talking about? Eiri-san's right. None of them have the name Daisuke."

Shuichi pressed harder on the glass in frustration. _That has to be him…unless… _his eyes widened as if his mind had uncovered a forgotten memory. He turned back to the investigator. _Oh, what is his name…?_ He had totally blanked out till he saw a small business card on a table in the room. "Narumi-san," He read the fine print on the tiny piece of paper, "What's Number 5's name?"

Narumi scanned through the small stack of papers in his arms. "Number 5…ah, his name is Joseph Noll. Why? Do you recognize him from the night of the attack?" He asked a bit hopeful.

Shuichi's eyes narrowed has he recalled a piece of audio memory from the beating. _It was so dark…and I was in so much pain…I remember hearing a whisper though…something faint…_ Then it hit him. "I'M SORRY!!"

Yuki and Narumi stared at him as if he had two heads. "Eh?"

"Narumi-san! Ask each one of them to say, 'I'm sorry'." Shuichi half demanded but then remembered, "Please."

Narumi gave him an awkward smile and pressed a button on a speaker, "Say, 'I'm Sorry'." One by one, each of the men in the line up said it. Then it reached Number 5.

"I'm sorry."

The words echoed in Shuichi's ears and he felt as thought he was going to fall backwards again when Yuki came behind him. "Shuichi? Is he one of the guys from that night?" Yuki asked him.

Tears came to the boys eyes. _I….I want to say no…but…how could you? _He hung his head. "Yes…he's one of them…" He brought his hands to his eyes and covered them as the tears started to pour out.

Narumi wanted to ask him why he had freaked out earlier about this Joseph Noll but considering his current emotional state, he knew it'd be impossible to pull it out of him. He gave Yuki a nod indicating that it was ok for them to leave.

When they reached the lobby, Yuki told Tohma that they had identified the guy but that Shuichi was now in a mental break down state and he had to take him home. Tohma understood and asked him to call him when Shuichi was feeling better. This time Yuki didn't give him a "whatever" but an "Ok." which made Tohma feel a little bit more optimistic about Yuki changing.

* * *

_"Gah! Wait for me Shuichi!!" A voice called from behind the young boy._

_"You're so slow, Daisuke!" Shuichi responded stopping to let his friend catch up. "You really need to get out more already." _

_"I know, but Mother doesn't like me going outside much. She's says it'll make me sick if I do. Especially if it's sunny." _

_Shuichi looked up at the slate gray sky. "Well, you don't have to worry about that today as long as it doesn't rain." He looked back down at Daisuke with a smile. _

_Daisuke smiled back. "Hey! If you keep slowing us down we won't get to the movies in time!" He started to run again._

_"Ooooi!! You're one to talk!!" Shuichi ran behind Daisuke in his best efforts to catch up to him._

* * *

"Nhn…" Shuichi opened his eyes from the dream. He blinked a few times before he realized he was in bed with Yuki who had his arms wrapped tightly around the singer. Oh…I must've passed out at the police station. At least I can avoid Yuki asking me questions now. He snuggled against his lover's warm chest. "Yuki…" He said in a satisfied voice and drifted back into a dream.

Yuki opened his eyes and stared down at Shuichi sympathetically. _Who is this Daisuke? Did he hurt you in that alley? I thought you said only three of the guys beat you…Why did you react to seeing the way you did? Not to mention hearing his voice. How did you know him if you only remembered seeing one face_? All these questions ran through Yuki's head and he knew he'd have to wait until the morning to even skim the surface of his suspicions.

* * *

Shuichi awoke once more from a childhood dream. Although this time he couldn't recall any of the details once he was fully awake. He looked over at the clock. 9:34. _Is it really that late?_ For a split second he felt dread run through him that he'd be late for work when he realized that it was Saturday. He smelled the coffee from the kitchen letting him know that Yuki was already awake. He sat up and rested his head in his hand as the sun shone through the curtains of the bedroom. It was about another fifteen minutes before he decided to leave the room to see Yuki.

"'Bout time you got out of bed." Yuki said when he heard the bedroom door close and saw Shuichi come into the living room. He sat down next to him.

"Yeah…I guess I needed the rest." He yawned and rested his head on Yuki's shoulder. He was writing a new chapter for his novel so he knew that meant he had to be silent.

Yuki broke the silence which surprised Shuichi, "What did you dream about?"

_WHY on EARTH is Yuki asking me THAT?_ Shuichi was dumbfounded. "Uh…I don't remember…" He lied quickly which was easy since he was so surprised.

Something snapped in Yuki. His laptop somehow landed on the floor with only a small dent and he was on top of Shuichi, pinning him down. All within a second.

Shuichi tried to free his wrists from Yuki's strong grip but found his efforts futile. "Yuki…" He tried to move away even when he felt as though he was becoming one with the couch cushion. "…What are you doing? Stop messing around…"

Yuki didn't do anything for what seemed the seconds seemed to be hours. He just stared down at his fragile lover. His. _Mine._ "Don't you dare lie to me anymore." He closed his eyes and brought his lips to Shuichi's. His hold on Shuichi loosened as Shuichi's arms begged for release.

When their kiss broke, Shuichi stared into the fierce golden eyes above him. Tears formed in his own as he realized how much he had hurt Yuki by hiding this from him. "I'm sorry, Yuki." He choked out.

"Of all things, Shuichi. You don't need to be sorry. You just need to tell me what it is that is keeping you from being happy." He brushed away the pink hair in the way of Shuichi's face.

"Tell you…?" They both sat up slowly and Shuichi's head ended up resting on Yuki's lap. He tried to recall as best as he could the memories he had of Daisuke. "That Joseph Noll…no…Daisuke…when we were kids, we were good friends. But for some reason he had to move to America. Change his name, his life, everything." He squinted as the memories became more and more blurred. "He was always sick for some reason too…" His head started to pound at the sudden request of these mental files to be recalled. "He…"

It was almost as if he had solved the whole thing. Why Daisuke was involved with this. He remembered. The clouds cleared in his mind as it became easier to remember who Daisuke was. And why he had been with that group who tried to kill Shuichi.

"'He' what?" Yuki asked.

"I...remember it now..." Shuichi knew that his eyes were starting to water as he arranged the words to make audible sense. "Daisuke and I were friends as little kids...we didn't go to the same school though...I don't remember how we met." He paused as he tried to fill in the rest of the information, "The reason he was always sick...was because his dad poisoned him and his mom...and he was sent to a new family in America when his mom was finally killed."

Yuki still felt no sympathy for this Daisuke. It still didn't explain why he had ties with this anti-gay group. Angry thoughts were still circling in his head when he heard Shuichi gasp. "What's wrong?"

He was crying hard now, "The reason...his dad poisoned him...was...was" He couldn't feel himself crawl into a fetal position, just that he was shaking and he felt as though his head would explode. "For another man, Yuki...that's why..." His voice cracked as all the puzzle pieces came together.

"It's alright." Yuki held the hysterically crying boy. "It's not your fault. He chose to take it out on you."

"Why, Yuki?" Shuichi asked after he had finally calmed down. "Why..." _Why is our love always judged? Why did that have to happen to Daisuke? I was forced to forget him by everyone around me because of how the actions his dad did were so shameful. It wasn't fair to him...but...why...?_

* * *

A/N: Well if you people really hated cliffhangers so much you really lucked out in this chapter. I was gonna leave you when Shuichi just realized who Daisuke was. I just LOVE torturing you people with the suspense -shot- Anyways, thanks for the feedback on Daisuke. I'm still plotting a bit about what'll happen next, so you might have to wait awhile for the next chapter.


	14. Morphine

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: ...

* * *

Chapter 14 : Morphine

"HEY!" Daisuke shouted at an officer passing his cell. "I KNOW I GET A PHONE CALL YOU BASTARD!"

The officer ignored him and kept walking past the cells of screaming prisoners. Daisuke's voice was no different to the others and just blended in as background noise to the officer.

"Shit…" Daisuke slid down the wall of the cell with his hand over his face. "Craig is going to fucking kill me if they get caught…" he pulled his hair in frustration. Taking in a deep breath, he leaned his head against the cold wall behind him and stared up at the ceiling. _What a mess…_ He sighed. His deep green eyes closed as his mind played over painful memories.

* * *

"Shuichi, are you ok?" Hiro asked his friend. Bad Luck was at NG trying to record a new song, except their vocalist was having a headache.

"I'm fine." Shuichi said in a huff as he regained his balance at the microphone.

"No, Shindou-san, I don't think you are." Suguru was actually concerned for once.

"I just want to get the recording done for today!" Shuichi raised his voice in frustration. The other two looked at each other and sighed waiting for either Sakano or Mr. K to intervene. Thankfully, it was Sakano. He wouldn't be as forceful as K.

"Shindou-kun," He put his hand on the singer's shoulder, "You really aren't looking well."

Shuichi shrugged it off. "I'm FINE. QUIT ASKING ME ALREADY!"

Unfortunately, this attitude brought in Mr. K to the situation. He held a hand gun to Shuichi's head, waiting for the fear of getting his brains blown out to settle in. "Now, be a good boy and go home and get some rest."

"Fine." Shuichi pushed the hand gun away from this temple and walked out of the recording room, slamming the door behind him.

The other four were shocked at his behavior. "I wonder what's wrong with him…" Sakano thought out loud.

It seemed this time that Shuichi was able to avoid contact with Tohma and Ryuichi on the way out of the building. _Thank you, God._ He thought as he made his way out into the streets of Tokyo. It was then he remembered that it had been raining all day. _Oh, NOW I remember. Goddamn you weather man! Why do you have to be right at my expense?! _He was annoyed the first few minutes that he was beginning to be drenched but then it didn't matter. Once he made it out of the busy streets, he found himself in an unfamiliar neighborhood. He just wandered around. Finally, he collapsed on the sidewalk from the exhaustion from the sudden outburst of running.

He could smell the mixture of rain and dirt on the concrete. _Why, Daisuke?_ The only words ran through his head. _They were only able to find me because of the information you gave them. They could have picked anyone else._ He knew this was selfish to think but the whole idea of his friend wanting him dead was more than he could handle. He slowly sat up and stared up at the sky which was the slate color he remembered from his dream.

"Why…" The tears escaped his eyes and blended with the rain on his face.

* * *

When Yuki heard Shuichi come through the door, he went into the entrance of the apartment to greet him. "You're soaking wet…" He noted out loud.

"Yeah, I know. I forgot my umbrella at work." Which was true.

Yuki looked at the clock on the wall, "You're not supposed to be home for another couple hours."

This had never occurred to the singer. He hadn't kept track of the time all day. "Fine, if you don't want me home, I'll go back out in the rain." He turned around to open the door.

Yuki placed his hand on the door as Shuichi was about to open it. "No," He pulled Shuichi's hand away from the knob. "You'll catch a cold." He looked down at Shuichi. He looked so miserable and lost. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He led him from the door to the bathroom. He could tell that Shuichi was really pissy and edgy just to hide that he was so confused, upset, and betrayed. Yuki knew these feelings well. And it pained him to see the one he loved most go through it too.

* * *

The next week passed uneventfully in the singer's life and in the case. Shuichi's restless attitude was starting to melt away with each day but he still couldn't help but feel worn out by the whole thing. At least it wasn't on his mind 24/7 anymore.

He was somewhere in NG Studios wandering around along with his mind. It was lunch break and he decided he wasn't hungry and just wanted to take a walk to clear his thoughts. His mind didn't stay as open to his surroundings like it used to. He came to some sort of storage room. It was dark which he didn't mind. _I just hope Ryuichi doesn't pop out and try to play with me. _

Sure enough as soon as he sat down on a couple boxes, "Shuichi…" He heard a soft voice from somewhere inside the room.

"Not now, Ryu." He sighed angrily, "I don't want to play today." He stood up to walk out of the room when he felt something grab him around the neck.

"If you don't want to play, that's fine." The voice half laughed. "At least you saved me the trouble of looking for you."

Shuichi's eyes widened in fear as he realized what this was. "Let me go! I didn't do anything to you guys!"

Now the voice was laughing, "Do you think that really matters, you fag?" His grip around Shuichi's neck tightened. "Oh well, I guess it _doesn't_ matter. That idiot messed up the aim at the concert, but I can assure you I won't miss this time."

_No…I can't die like this._ Instinctively, Shuichi flailed his arms and managed to kick the guy in the oh-so-sensitive spot which got him down on the floor. The singer ran towards the door panicked, and tried to open it only to find that it was locked. _Oh, God…_ He felt around the walls for a light switch.

"Hoho, you're gonna pay for that one, bastard." The voice was pained now as he tried to find Shuichi by the sound of his breathing.

_Come on, light switch…_ And he found it just in time to see a knife being lunged at him. He dodged it which made the blade go into the wall where he was. Shuichi was now officially scared shitless. _He's really going to kill me…_

It was another attempt to stab him that Shuichi got a good look at the guy. "Louis…" He remembered the face from the night he was attacked and connected the name.

"Oh, how sweet, you remember me." Louis said sarcastically and annoyed that he couldn't keep the singer in one spot.

Shuichi dodged another blow. It seemed that Louis was getting tired and more frustrated with every try. "You're fucking crazy! What have I ever done to you guys?!" Shuichi yelled hoping someone would hear.

"You already know we killed a couple people in the Americas. You think you're any different? If you had just broken up with that writer, this wouldn't have happened." Finally, his knife made a deep gash in Shuichi's hand. "Or if you had just died when Joseph shot you."

"Daisuke…was…the one that…shot me…?" Shuichi's breathing patterns were becoming irregular as he held his bleeding hand. _It hurts so much…_ He backed up against a wall, losing energy.

Louis smirked. "So that's his Japanese name. He would never tell us. I heard that 'Daisuke' meant great help. He's really lived up to his name then!" He lunged at Shuichi again. The singer was right in the path of the knife. The fear that ran through him made him move at the same time he felt trapped. He closed his eyes and waited for the end.

But it didn't come. Shuichi opened his eyes to see that Louis was above him, small streams of blood coming from the corners of his smirking lips. It took him a few seconds to realize what he had done. His eyes widened and his hands dropped the knife. He couldn't believe it. _Oh, god…this isn't real…it can't be real…this is a nightmare… _Louis' body fell to the floor as he clutched the stomach wound.

"Who's the murderer now?" He laughed as Shuichi placed his hands on his head as if trying to grip what time was playing.

"This isn't real…this isn't real…" Shuichi said in a thin breath.

"Oh," Louis started to cough up blood, "It's real you, bastard. Now you are even more dead that you've killed me. You thought they were ruthless before, just wait…" His voice became faint as what little light he had in his eyes vanished.

_No...No...This isn't happening..._ Shuichi didn't know when he started screaming. Or when Hiro and Mr. K finally found him. How he didn't kill himself when he reached for the knife or how Hiro had stopped him. He didn't remember when he blacked out either. The next thing he knew, he was in the apartment on the couch listening to Yuki practically yelling on the phone, "You better goddamned make sure that it won't happen again!!"

He weakly opened his eyes. His hand felt numb. _Probably from the pain meds…wait! That was real…did I…?_ Tears came to his eyes and he couldn't catch his breath. _I killed someone…_ He started to scream again.

In seconds Yuki was at his side, "Shuichi! Get a hold of yourself!" He finally was able to calm him down after minutes of trying to raise his voice louder than Shuichi's to get his attention.

"Yuki! I killed him…I…" Shuichi was shaking now. _I don't deserve to live…There must've been another way. I could have picked the lock some how…_

"Shuichi!!" Yuki held the boys face in his hands as the tears kept coming. "No! He's not dead!"

It was almost as if a release of morphine had gone through his veins. A warm, calming sensation came over him, "What…?"

"You didn't kill him, Shuichi. He's in the hospital now." Yuki explained in an exhausted voice. _Please stop screaming…_ "They also found the other three. They're in jail now. They won't hurt you anymore."

_So it was real…I did almost die…_ The tears still didn't stop coming. He hugged Yuki tightly. "Oh, Yuki!" His voice was hard to make out between the sobs, "I really thought I was going to die… I was so scared…and…I grabbed the knife…I didn't know what else to do…I don't know how I did it…I just…"

Yuki held him even tighter than what Shuichi was already embracing him with. "Shuichi. It's. Not. Your. Fault. The only other thing you could have done was gotten killed. And I know you wouldn't have let that happen." He paused to make sure Shuichi understood. "When he recovers, the police are going to arrest him and put him in jail along with the others so they can't hurt you ever again." He paused once more, "It's over now."

Shuichi closed his tearful eyes. _It's over now…_The morphine like effect the news had on him made his nerves able to relax and he went limp as the exhaustion took over him.

* * *

Daisuke wanted to die by the time he had heard about Shuichi's attack. Not to mention the Louis was almost dead. Somehow the news that Craig and the others were taken in hadn't been brought to his ears by his fellow inmates. _THAT BASTARD! I thought we weren't going to try to get to Shuichi anymore…Oh, God…_ He collapsed in his cell. _What have I done? I'm so sorry, Shuichi…_ He sobbed. _Why can't this just stop? _It was then he decided nothing would happen if he was just sitting in the cell. Daisuke was agile and knew how the jail worked up and down. _It can't be that much different than the American ones…_ He had already escaped once back in the east. _Shouldn't be too hard._

At around one in the morning, Daisuke took his shoelace and managed to pick the lock of the cell. _Damn, these guys are low tech._ He chuckled in his mind at the accomplishment. It didn't stay easy though. Two guards spotted him but he managed to lose them on a corner. Now the only trouble was getting out of the building itself. He looked up and saw a window that didn't have any bars on it. It was dark, so he couldn't figure out where he was exactly so that he wouldn't jump in the middle of a busy street. "Looks, like I'll take my chances." He broke through the small window, setting off an alarm. "Shit." The broken glass cut his cheeks and arms as he struggled through the frame. Finally, he was out and fortunately there was no traffic on the street he came out to.

Disoriented, he ran for awhile before he realized where he was. He didn't know if he should wait to visit Louis or try to find Shuichi. Either way it'd be hard. He didn't know which hospital Louis was being treated at and didn't know if Shuichi would even be in the apartment. He couldn't go back to Craig and the others knowing they'd probably kill him for getting captured. _"If you ever get thrown in jail again, Joseph, you can escape, but don't come to me 'cuz I'll blow your head off."_ The words made Daisuke shiver. He figured his best bet would be to try and find Shuichi. _No, I'm just being an idiot. Shuichi will never forgive me through all of this._ Even at that thought, he headed in the direction of the apartment.

* * *

Yuki sighed. This was the third time he had woken up since he had gone to sleep. He looked down at Shuichi who was still clinging to the man's chest, even in his sleep. The boy now had dark circles under his eyes and was much paler. _This whole thing is literally killing him…_ He closed his eyes hoping to be thrown into a long dream. _You're not the only one going through this, Shu._ He denied the tears access beyond his lids. _It's so hard to see you literally get shot when you're just picking up the pieces of your mentality. _They broke through though, landing on Shuichi's face.

* * *

A/N: Yeah...this wasn't that great...I really think I'm just beating what I started out with. If you guys don't like it, I'm going to delete it and try to rewrite it, so please be honest.

**Naruta13**: Well I couldn't make Daisuke much different XD

**Amber Hermione**: Thanks so much for the detailed review. I'm glad someone sees how hard I try on this.

**Ratsrule**: It's ok. I'm glad you're still reading it.

**Moosxaxlot** and **coffee-house-girl**: You're welcome


	15. Relate

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: blah blah blah

* * *

Chapter 15 : Relate

Just as Shuichi's mind was easing away from the fear of the attack Louis had brought on him, he found out that Daisuke had escaped from jail. Now, he didn't think that Daisuke would kill him, but with everything else that had happened, it was just another worry he had to live with until Daisuke was caught.

Yuki was also worried. Even though he didn't know Daisuke like Shuichi supposedly had and hadn't been attacked, he knew it was bad that Daisuke wasn't under the supervision of the authorities.

A week passed and no one heard anything of Daisuke. Louis was recovering but the hospital was having trouble keeping rabid angry Bad Luck fans away from his room and trying to worsen his condition. The other three were in jail waiting to be put on trial.

Since the attack with Louis, Shuichi became more distant with everyone especially Yuki. Mr. K and Tohma decided to give him and Bad Luck a two week break. For the first week, Yuki tried to give Shuichi his space by letting him sleep on the couch upon his request. This worried him. _It's just a depression he needs to pull through._ He wasn't sure if he needed to be nosy and over-bearing like Shuichi was to him when they first met and Yuki was depressed since Shuichi was so much different from him.

Shuichi didn't really do much. He slept, ate, and showered. He would sit in front of the TV and not even realize what he was watching sometimes. One day he just sat there watching some program on the history of Norway's fishing department. Unless Yuki made something for him to eat, he only ate the strawberry pocky. One day Yuki came home with the Men's Pocky and forgot to tell Shuichi they had run out of the strawberry stuff at the store. Shuichi noticed it was bitter at first and gave Yuki a long stare as he chewed the first stick of the strange biscuit and then walked away. He had been eating the strawberry pocky so much that it started to taste like his own saliva and it made no difference.

The days would go by meaninglessly as Yuki worked. The apartment could have been haunted by weeping spirits instead of Shuichi and he wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. On some days the singer would fall asleep on the couch and suddenly start whimpering which turned into obvious cries in his sleep. The first few times this happened, Yuki was alarmed and would come to the rescue of the false alarm. Now it was only a reminder of what Shuichi was going through. And all on his own.

* * *

There was two more days left of Shuichi's vacation and he was passed out on the couch. Once again. As usual. Yuki was in his study trying to write the first chapter of his new novel that his editor had been riding on his ass about. But nothing came to mind. He could only think about the broken face Shuichi had that night when he woke up wanting to kill himself. For what seemed like the tenth time, Yuki pressed the "undo" button on the word pad on his laptop. "Damnit." He stared up at the ceiling. He had been so distracted with Shuichi, he hadn't bothered to smoke anymore and the cravings didn't come to haunt him thank god. He looked back at the computer screen when inspiration struck him. He sadly smiled as he gave credit in his thoughts to the person it was owed to and started to type again.

Shuichi woke up from his nightmare to the usual dark and silent apartment. He listened more carefully to see if Yuki was in the study. Sure enough, he heard the typing. Satisfied that he was not alone, he closed his eyes again and rolled to his side. These days he just didn't have the motivation to do much else. His spirits were literally crushed. The Shuichi that everybody knew was trapped by overwhelming depression that couldn't be peeled away. He stopped tying to play a smile a long time ago since he knew it would hurt him more later. He felt…trapped. Shuichi didn't know when he would start crying anymore. It would just happen in waves and then dissipate.

If he was this broken now, how was he going to be able to make it through the trial? The whole idea of testifying made him want to die. Then again, he already felt dead. Despite the massive sleep he got, the dark rings under his eyes persisted and only got darker every night from the stress. There were some nights he could hear Yuki screaming at himself in the bathroom. Telling himself that it was all his fault. That if he hadn't chased Shuichi out that night before the concert, none of this would have happened. When Yuki did this, Shuichi wanted more than anything to come into the bathroom and hug him. Tell him what he was saying was a lie. That it wasn't his fault. But he could never bring himself to say it. Hell, his vocal chords could have been ripped out and no one would have known it.

Hours passed with Shuichi just laying there. He didn't know what he was thinking about. He didn't want to know. He didn't want to remember. When Yuki came out of his study he wondered was time it was. He stared up at the blond. Shuichi's eyes squinted as tears came through and blurred his sight of the writer. He rubbed them away with his bandaged hand. "Yuki." His fragile voice shattered the silence.

Yuki jumped when he first heard Shuichi's voice. He was worried at the same time relieved. _Isn't that stupid? How is it possible to feel that way?_ "Yes?" He answered turning to the boy.

"Could you…" His nearly lifeless eyes looked straight at Yuki's. "…please hold me?" He asked as if he was a grade schooler who had just gotten a scrape from falling on the sidewalk.

He tried to pace himself as he came over to Shuichi. _What kind of question is that you, idiot? Of course…_ Yuki sat down next to him and managed to fit him in his arms. Shuichi had lost so much weight that it wasn't hard.

Shuichi rested his head against Yuki's chest in comfort. He listened to the beating of his heart. Something he, himself, Shuichi, wondered if he had anymore. "Yuki."

"Yes?"

"I think I know now."

"Know what?"

"How you felt."

Yuki was confused. "About what?"

"When you killed Kitazawa." Shuichi's tone didn't change. It was still blank even as Yuki's heart sped at the painful memories. "Sure, Louis wasn't someone I knew or cherished. And I didn't take his life. But…" He gripped Yuki's shirt the same way he did on the night of the concert when he was shot. "The depression. Knowing that people wanted you dead so badly." Tears started to come down his cheeks, "It feels like there's rotting at the center of my chest where I could just melt into myself."

"Shuichi…" Yuki managed to make out as he squeezed his little lover. _You shouldn't be understanding it. I don't want you to. It's horrible. You are the last one I would ever want to feel that loneliness. _

"But," He half smiled as he started, "I know you can save me."

Yuki looked down at him. He saw it in his eyes. He was starting to pull through it. Shuichi would make it. After some time he finally managed to find words to say, "You should probably get some sleep." He helped Shuichi back into a comfortable position on the couch. Just as he was about to go back to the bedroom, he felt a tug at his sleeve. "Yes?" He looked down at Shuichi.

The comfort the boy had let himself receive since the incident felt so warm. So wonderful. He didn't want to part with it. "Can…I sleep with you tonight? Please?"

Yuki couldn't help the almost invisible tears that appeared at the corners of his eyes. Even in the dim light the moon offered of the night, Shuichi could see them. The writer picked him up in his arms. He didn't need to respond. Shuichi knew it meant a yes. "Thank you." Shuichi whispered into Yuki's chest.

For the first time in what seemed forever, both of them had drifted into comforting dreams. If only they didn't have to wake up to the world that awaited them the next morning.

* * *

Shuichi didn't sleep in the bed with Yuki again. He still needed to be by himself to collect himself more. That didn't stop him from going to work which he was grateful. Being back in the recording room and seeing Hiro, Suguru and the others made him feel better. Every now and again Yuki would catch Shuichi smiling and saw that was starting to get much more active.

The singer started to use his laptop more and more as inspiration for lyrics came quickly now. Though he had not totally put the incident with Louis behind, he knew he'd have to sooner or later. He knew that no matter how much the people around him loved him, they would lose faith in him of ever getting better. He couldn't let that happen.

Though Shuichi still didn't sleep in the bed with him, Yuki was relieved at how far and quickly Shuichi had progressed. The color came back to the singer's skin and the dark circles under his eyes became lighter with every day. _He's going to make it through…_

* * *

A/N: Well, I'm glad you guys did like that last chapter. Actually, it really surprised me how much you liked it XD I suppose this was a filler chapter but you'll just have to deal with it for now. It's been kinda stressful here over at my end so my chapters might lack from here on out.


	16. Memories

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: ...I no likey these things...

* * *

Chapter 16 : Memories

Daisuke had decided not to go to Shuichi and Yuki's apartment just yet. He needed to think all of the pros and cons of doing so. By now he knew that the others had been captured. He had no one to go to. He managed to live off of the park water fountains for hydration but he was starving for something good for his teeth to rip apart.

"Come on, come on…I know that guy dropped a pack in here…" Daisuke rummaged through a trash can, "Aha!!" He pulled out a half started, crushed pack of cigarettes. He had started smoking after he had joined Craig and the others but was never a heavy smoker. The only time he would exceed a pack every two days was when he was under a lot of stress. And now was a time to be stressed. With everyone hating his guts and looking at life in prison, it looked like now would be a good time to smoke some of that stress away.

Alone in the dark, he took a seat on a park bench and lit the cancer stick with his lighter that always seemed to be running out on him. He took in a deep breath and sighed. The Tokyo lights stood before him, letting his mind rest like it did when he was a kid._ If only I could go back to that time… _He titled his head back as the memories came to him.

* * *

_"Mother!" Daisuke cried for the umpteenth time. His mother was on the floor, not breathing. He didn't know what to do. One second ago she was standing and now she was showing no signs of living at all. "Father!" He yelled panicked. At first there was no response. "FATHER!" He screamed again._

_"What do you want already-" His father stopped in his tracks as he came out of the hallway and next to Daisuke._

_"Father! What's wrong with Mother! She's not breathing…she was ok just a seco-" Daisuke stopped. "Father…why are you…laughing…?" Small streams of tears came down his cheeks. The next thing he knew, he was thrown against the wall with a stinging mark against his cheek. This only provoked the tears._

_"She was sure hard to kill…to bad for you though…" His father gave him a cold glare that told him everything._

_Daisuke placed his hand on the sore cheek bone that his father just hit, "Why…?" His voice cracked at the suddenness of the whole situation._

_"Because," He grunted while he walked into the kitchen to get the phone, "I love someone else. And neither of you are worth hiding it from him." He disappeared into the next room._

_"No…please…this is a lie…why…? If you told Mother…she…you didn't have to kill her!!" His voice was nothing but a whisper from the shock. Daisuke crawled weakly from the wall crying hard as he clutched his mother's body. He didn't stop crying till the police came and even then the tears seemed endless.._

* * *

Daisuke stared up at the stars above his head. _If it weren't for that neighbor who heard my cries, I bet you would have killed me too... _

* * *

"_Daisuke! I don't want you to go! I'll miss you." Shuichi pouted as he saw his friend boarding a bus to go to the airport._

_Daisuke smiled tiredly. "It's ok, Shuichi. I'll come to visit, I promise."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, really."_

_Shuichi sniffed and wiped away the childish tears. "Ok…"_

_Daisuke pat him on the shoulder, "It'll be fine, Shuichi. You'll make some more friends this school year, I'm sure." It was then that he felt himself being embraced by Shuichi. "Wha…Shuichi…"_

_"Just please be safe…ok?" That was the thing Shuichi wanted most for his friend. And to be happy. _

_Daisuke pulled away, "I promise." His smile was still tired but full of hope. "I'll write you letters too if my new foster parents say it's ok." _

_Daisuke started to walk away. "WAIT!" Shuichi yelled._

_"What is it?" He turned around._

_"Here…take my wristband." Shuichi opened Daisuke's clenched fist and placed the small hot pink fabric into his hand and then closed it. "So just incase you can't get in touch with me, you'll have that."_

_Daisuke smiled. "Thanks." He walked up the steps of the bus, lugging a suitcase that was probably two times his size. _

_When the doors closed, Shuichi waved sadly as he watched his friend from the back window wave back until the bus was no longer in sight. _

* * *

_That was when we were…what…ten? Shuichi… _He chuckled to himself._ Even then you tried to make yourself stand out. Your parents never approved of you having the pink hair until you got older so you wore that pink wristband all the time. What was your hair color then…a dark red?_ He tried to recall. He frowned as he remembered the next chapter of his life. _Then I was shipped to Seattle…Maria and Nathan…my foster parents…they ended up selling me out after a year. When they had already taken in Leah-chan. _

* * *

_"Come on, Joseph." Nathan tried to persuade him in Japanese. This was one of the reasons Daisuke had ended up with these people. They knew Japanese fluently and were supposed to teach him English. Though he already knew a little, it wasn't enough to help him get by if he was ever on his own._

_"No! Leave Leah-chan alone!" He pulled the six year old close to his chest as they were cornered by their twenty eight year old foster parent. _

_Nathan sighed with a smirk. He was tall and his dark brown eyes were just as intimidating as his towering frame. "Would you be willing to take her place then?"_

_It was as if his stomach was pushed up into his throat. He looked down at the innocent, blonde-hair blue-eyed little girl clutching her raggedy stuffed bunny. He looked back at Nathan. "Sicko…" He whispered under his breath. "Yes." If it's for Leah-chan, I won't regret it… He told himself._

"_Good, good." He grabbed Daisuke's wrist harshly, tearing him away from Leah. She was silently crying. Nathan dragged the boy to the door, but was forced to stop when Daisuke dug his nails into the door frame for him to halt._

_"It'll be ok, Leah-chan." He said in his best English that he could considering he was terrified of what would happen next. He tried to smile even though he was crying. "I promise." Nathan now frustrated, pulled the boy hard enough so that his grip on the wood was no more. Then the door shut, leaving Leah all by herself. _

* * *

His rib cage started to ache as his brain played the mental video in his head. Daisuke took another breath of smoke, _Then you had to go die from that flu six months later, Leah-chan. Those bastards didn't make enough money off of me to get the medicine for you…not that they cared…but I was all alone… _His mind drifted to four years ago, when he was sixteen.

* * *

_Daisuke had done it. He had finally escaped that hell hole. Away from Nathan and Maria. But his English was just as terrible as when he was eleven if not worse. He was eligible to get a driver's license, but no one knew who he was. No one could help him. He'd have to live homelessly. "God fuck it all…" He sunk against a brick wall. Daisuke looked up at the sky, "I wish I could go home. To Japan." The teenager ran his hand through his disheveled brunette hair. He listened carefully at the activity coming from the inside of the building he was leaning against. It sounded like club music. Maybe he could find someone to take him in for the night. He stood up when two men were coming out of the building. Daisuke stopped in his tracks. They were speaking English, but he understood every word._

_"Aw come on! I don't wanna go home!" _

_"You idiot, coming to this gay bar was the dumbest thing you've done."_

_"Pfft, you're just jealous that those guys were hitting on me."_

_"And you're drunk." The man pulled his partner into a kiss. "Will you go home now?"_

_"Do I need to say yes?" The other man replied. _

_Daisuke didn't remember what they looked like. He just snapped. "Why do you have to be such monsters of God's creations! Don't you know it's against morality to be gay!" He screamed in broken English. He started to punch one of them. He found himself out numbered by one man and they started to kick and punch him also. They kicked him against the wall for a few minutes till they were satisfied with their revenge of the rouge attack and walked away._

_Defeated, Daisuke managed to limp away into a dark alley which he collapsed. "It's dumb to cry…I'm a grown man…" He mumbled in Japanese. He ended up breaking down anyway. _

_"No, it's good to cry every now and again." A voice came from the shadows of the alley and knelt down beside Daisuke. _

_Daisuke looked surprised up at the man talking to him. Though it was dark, he could still make out features. He had fair skin and almost jet black hair. His eyes were a light brown. "You know Japanese?" He tried not to sniff._

_The man lightly chuckled. "I lived there for a couple years after college. I'm no expert though." He helped Daisuke up. "What's your name?" He was obviously older by a few years._

_Daisuke looked down. "Joseph…Joseph Noll…" He looked back up at the man. "You?"_

_"I'm Kris Hyle." He tried to start a conversation, "Do you have something against gays?" He referred to the fight Daisuke had just gotten himself into. It was easy for him to hide that he had some interest in the kid but wanted to prove his suspicions. _

_Daisuke looked away with an unconvincing smile, "Ah…I've had some problems with people like that…"_

_Kris raised his eyebrows. "Like?" Unprepared for the painful story of a life that Daisuke had lived._

* * *

"You were the only kind one to me, Kris." Daisuke said to himself. _Craig accepted me only because you insisted. Louis always hated me. And Thomas never talked to me. Craig said I was only useful because I was still young and was able to help teach them all Japanese while they taught me English. I was also the one that helped gather the information on those two people we killed when I was nineteen… _

* * *

_Daisuke had just run out of the cramped apartment that the five of them used as a meeting quarters. Louis had claimed that the teenager left too much evidence at the last murder scene and that they were going to get caught. Craig as always had agree with Louis' rants and ordered Daisuke out of the building and not to come back unless he had another plan for their next victim._

_He was passing a newspaper stand when he saw a tabloid screaming in bold letters, "JAPANESE WRITER YUKI EIRI ADMITS RELATIONSHIP WITH BAD LUCK SINGER SHUICHI SHINDOU. Read inside for more details!!" Daisuke stopped in his tracks. No…that's not the Shuichi I know…it can't be… He thought to himself as he paid for one of the copies. _

_Sure enough his fears were only confirmed as he scanned through the articles and saw a recent picture of his old friend and his lover. Since Bad Luck had become popular in America, he was able to feel proud of Shuichi for making it so far when he read the articles about his and his band member's success. Now he only felt anger and betrayal. "How could you forget, Shuichi? Am I nothing…?" He knew what he was saying was pathetic. Shuichi obviously moved on. The whole incident was nine years ago. Daisuke pulled out the tattered pink wristband from his sweatshirt pocket. His eyes revealed a broken soul as he stared at it._

_He pulled out his pocket lighter and set fire to the faded piece of fabric along with the newspaper. _

_Daisuke came back to the apartment and to Craig a few hours later, a new plan devised. "You wanted your next victim, Craig?" They had come accustomed to speaking in Japanese all the time now so that if anyone over heard they couldn't understand. _

_The man with dirty blonde hair looked up with his fierce hazel eyes. "What?"_

_"Here. Shuichi Shindou." He threw a new copy of the newspaper at him._

_Kris' eyes widened as he recalled who this person was. He was the only one who Daisuke talked to about his past. "Joseph!"_

_But Daisuke gave him a cold glare. "I've made up my mind, Kris."_

_Craig only grinned evilly as he read the article. He could pass as a madman. Daisuke thought to himself. "Congrats, Joseph." Craig said satisfied. He then turned to Louis. "Louis, get your friend Rachelle to get you a smuggle boat to Japan."_

_Louis nodded, and gave Joseph a dirty look that he was able to be reaccepted by their leader. When he got the word back from Rachelle over the phone about the next shipment to be hidden in, Craig was very pissed off to say the least. "We can't wait eight months!!" He bellowed at the red head. _

_"That was the next available one that she had! Unless you want to be caught by the police and or crushed by the cargo!"_

_Craig silenced himself realizing what Louis said was true. He then turned to Daisuke, "You can take your time gathering the information, Joseph."_

_Daisuke only nodded now knowing he could not back out of what he had just done._

* * *

His memories started to become more recent. It was then he realized he didn't have anymore cigarettes. "Heh…I smoked them all that quickly?"

* * *

_When Rachelle was finally able to get them into Japan, Craig left writing the letters up to Daisuke. It was up until the night of the beating against Shuichi, when Daisuke finally saw his old friend in the flesh that he started to regret what he had started. When he heard the voice, "What…the fuck…was that for?" come from Shuichi, Daisuke wanted to die. _

_"Joseph, what's wrong?" Kris asked him as he pulled him aside from the beating that Craig, Louis, and Thomas were carrying out. _

_"I can't look at him, Kris."_

_Kris frowned. "You got yourself into this. You have to continue through, Joseph." He turned to Louis as he heard the sound of flesh being pounded stop. Louis gave him a nod which signaled that they were good to leave. Craig and Thomas came out of the alley but Daisuke stood there for a moment. He didn't turn around to face the singer. _

_He could only say a pained, "I'm sorry." And walk away with the others._

* * *

Daisuke stood up. "I guess it's time for me to go." He didn't look back at the park bench or the pile of cigarette butts around it. He didn't look back at the Tokyo lights either. Like before, he knew he wasn't allowed to have second thoughts now.

* * *

_"What?!" Daisuke nearly screamed._

_"Yeah, Craig says you have to be the one to bring him down." Thomas broke the news to him._

_"I, I can't do that!" He cried._

_"What's the problem?" Louis asked with a smirk. "You afraid now?"_

_Daisuke didn't want to admit it, but he was really scared. He had set up the murders last two times, but never carried them out. "Well, where are we going to get the gun?" _

_Thomas coughed, "I heard that the kid's manager is a trigger-happy American. Just grab one of his guns when he's off guard."_

_"You make that sound easier than it is." Daisuke snapped at Thomas._

_"Are you going to do it or not?" Louis cut in with the authority in his voice overwhelming._

_Silence surrounded the three of them. Daisuke's hands turned into fists. "I don't have a choice…do I?" _

_"There we have it! You'll be the shooter. Craig'll be proud of you" Louis gave him a meaningless pat on the back and left him and Thomas._

* * *

As Daisuke walked, his footsteps became even heavier. He decided to take the route to the apartment through his and Shuichi's old neighborhood. _Ah, I really wish I could have found out about that guy that Father wanted so badly. Maybe I could have saved Mother then._ His thoughts were no longer depressed about the situation those events from years ago had placed him in now. He accepted it. Even if it was hard. It still wasn't a joke, and for anyone who had the heart to listen to his story it was anything but a casual conversation starter except Daisuke himself.

* * *

_"Please forgive me, Shuichi." Daisuke aimed from a small utility closet from the highest floor of the club. His target was the now twenty year old pink haired singer. His old childhood friend. Shuichi Shindou. "I'm sorry…heaven will welcome you though." His hand shook, slightly throwing off his already unsteady aim. A loud bang followed the click of the trigger. His heart stopped for the moment that Shuichi fell to the stage floor and he was surrounded by people trying to save him._

_Craig was proud of Daisuke. But to Daisuke, he felt as though he just picked up his one way ticket to hell. He couldn't believe what he had done. It didn't matter later on when they all found out the singer had pulled through the shooting and then Daisuke was arrested and Louis had been chosen to finally end the singer's life. _

* * *

"Obviously, that never worked out." Daisuke smiled weakly to himself as he stared up at the towering apartment complex. _Am I really going to accomplish anything if I do this…?_ The thought ran through his mind once and quickly disappeared as he decided that this was indeed necessary. He undoubtedly knew the exact apartment number and managed to scale the building up to the second floor onto the balcony. Finding the door to the inside was locked, he ran through the glass, shattering it and giving himself several more cuts from the ones he had gotten escaping the prison that were only scars now.

Even in the darkness, he was able to make out a figure on the couch of the living room. The person looked terrified. Daisuke slowly adjusted his posture so he didn't look like a drunkard and let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the living room.

The person on the couch felt immobile. His purple eyes stared at the intruder who literally just crashed into his house. He was frozen. He wanted to call out to his lover to come and save him, but he couldn't find the strength to move a joint.

"Shuichi…"

* * *

A/N: Uwwaaaa...thanks for having patience with me, everyone. My grades are good so hopefully there won't be anymore delays in chapter writing.


	17. Undo

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: FSCKBLAH

A/N 1: Let me get this out of the way, **BEFORE YOU PRESS THE REVIEW BUTTON, READ THIS. THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. ANYONE WHO ASKS WILL GET SHOT** -.-b

My reason for the lateness of this chapter is the result of a crisis going on with some friends of mine. I apologize for you guys who really hate my cliffhangers.

* * *

Chapter 17 : Undo

"Shuichi…" Daisuke couldn't believe he was looking at him. The person who never lost faith in him. The person who he tried to kill. And for what? Recognition from a group of anti-homosexuals in their twenty's and thirty's? He came closer to the couch the singer had been sleeping on. "Shuichi…" He repeated.

"…No!" Shuichi said just loud enough not to wake up Yuki. He could barely raise his voice to what it already was._ Why didn't the shattering glass wake him up?_ He thought to himself panicked. _What should I do?!_

"Shuichi, it's me, Daisuke." _What am I saying? Of course he's going to be afraid of me. I should probably just run out now._ But he didn't. _I have to give him it… _His hands were reserved in his pockets, one clutching a piece of paper. _Why am I such a fucking coward? This is so childish...but I don't think he'll listen to me otherwise..._

"I know, Daisuke…please…just go…" Shuichi tried to keep calm. "I don't want to hurt anymore." His voice was shaky and tears started to come.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He advanced towards Shuichi. His voice held a promise, but Shuichi wouldn't hear it. He only remembered the mistakes Daisuke had made.

"No! Daisuke-" His words were stopped as Daisuke pulled him into a strong embrace. He struggled under the grip of the other man. Even though he had gained some weight back, it would be impossible to over power him. "Let me go!" He managed to push him off and make him stumble hard against a wall and he fell off the couch and onto the floor. As Shuichi fell to the floor, he cut his knees on the glass making him want to howl in pain.

In this process, a small handgun fell from an inside pocket of Daisuke's jacket. _Huh? I thought they confiscated that when I was in jail. I guess they missed it. _His mind was boggled at how the officers had not found it.

Daisuke's thoughts were interrupted as Shuichi's voice cut through the silence. Shuichi stared down at the gun that had fallen to his knees. "This…this is K-san's…you…" He looked up at Daisuke. "Louis wasn't lying…you…" Now the tears were flowing down his cheeks and he felt a release of air through his vocal chords.

A voice came from the hallway, "Shuichi what in the world is…" Yuki finally woke up and came from the bedroom to see broken glass everywhere; Daisuke slumped against a wall and Shuichi at his knees. His eyes were locked on Daisuke as he realized who he was. "You…"

Daisuke slowly stood up to spite the glass shards stabbing him in the thighs. "No, it's not like that." He tried to explain himself, and tried not to squint at the pain, preparing himself for what was coming next.

"Bull shit!" Yuki threw a punch at him which he quickly dodged. Daisuke was as skilled as Yuki when it came to fighting by three fold by from learning from Kris.

"Look! I don't want to fight you!" Daisuke blocked the multiple blows from Yuki.

"Liar! Why the fuck do you need to come here?! Can't you see you've damaged him enough?!" Yuki yelled and threw a hard punch to Daisuke's stomach which he took and landed against the wall once more.

Daisuke coughed and stood up before Yuki could take advantage of him being immobilized on the floor. "I have to give him something!" He stabilized his voice.

"Why don't you mail it like you did with all the other threats?!" Yuki couldn't be stopped now. Right before him was the source of all his lover's suffering. He wouldn't let him get away. When he beat up Ma-kun of ASK, he wasn't this harsh. Then again, Aizawa had set up the rape, not try to kill Shuichi, so that already won a "Go Pass" to lose his control with the fight.

"I already told you it's not like that!" Daisuke was getting tired. He could only keep going for so long and he could see that Yuki was wide awake and hadn't been trekking Tokyo on an empty stomach for weeks.

"And I already told you!" Yuki threw a punch, "Bull shit!"

Daisuke knew he would get nowhere with Shuichi if he was fighting. He sighed, frustrated, "I'm sorry for this Yuki-san."

"What.." Before Yuki could fully ask the question, he found himself flipped over and on the floor. "Bastard!" He quickly sat up. Now he had a huge headache which only made him angrier. "Why can't you-"

"Stop." Shuichi's voice cracked and the other two ceased fighting almost immediately.

Both Daisuke and Yuki turned to Shuichi. Long seconds passed before anyone dared to speak. "Shuichi…" Daisuke started and reached out his hand.

"No!" His eyes widened in fear, not wanting to hear anymore. Shuichi grabbed the gun at his knees which made the other gasp.

Yuki caught his breath and swallowed, "No, Shuichi, don't shoot him…we can get him to go to jail…" He slowly stood up and tried to coax Shuichi into putting the gun down. "Please, don't make the same mistake as I did."

It was then Shuichi smiled sadly. "It's ok Yuki. I'm not going to." Yuki stared at him in confusion.

His smile quickly faded as he pointed the gun to his head. _I can't take it anymore. No matter how hard I try. I can't get away. This isn't worth it. It's going to kill me sooner or later. I don't want to go through the torture anymore._ He closed his tearful purple eyes. _Yes, it's better this way. _It all seemed to make sense to him. All this pain was only coming back because he was here. If he...was dead...then it couldn't hurt him anymore...right?

Daisuke's eyes widened. _No, Shuichi. Don't waste your life on me. It isn't right._ It was all slow motion for him though. There was a click and then a bang. The pain wasn't evident at first but the shock from the impact came quickly.

Like before, Shuichi had waited for the end. When it didn't come, Shuichi opened his eyes. Now he wished he had kept them shut. He saw Daisuke was on the floor, a sad smile on his face and the bullet wound in plain sight in his back. The gun had been torn from Shuichi's hands in an attempt to stop him and Daisuke took the fatal shot. "No…" Shuichi pulled Daisuke up to his chest "Don't die…please…" His voice cracked and he started to wail. _No, no, no, no, no!! It was a mistake…I…I _ Shuichi closed his eyes as the tears started to come. He softly shook Daisuke to trying to make him speak. _No, no, no!!_ It was then he heard the faint breaths of Daisuke and pulled away to look at his face.

"It's alright, Shuichi." He held up his hand to Shuichi's cheek, trying to comfort him. "I probably...wouldn't have lived much longer...anyway." He struggled with the words. The light in his eyes was slowly fading. "I'm sorry. I am." _I'm sorry. That's all I can think of after all of this? It's hard to believe...this is really the end..._ He thought as he closed his eyes and released his last breath. All the memories flashed before him, as if a plea to find a way to make him live again. A reason to find some spiritual force to undo all that had happened.

Shuichi started to shake in fear and realization. Daisuke had just left him, again. He started to scream. "NO! NO! PLEASE!" He couldn't cry anymore now. It was as if his tear ducts had run out. "BRING HIM BACK!! No…" His mind panicked and the only resort was death once more in his incoherent thoughts. Frantic, he let Daisuke's body fall from his grip and reached for the gun.

Acting quickly, Yuki moved from the position where he had just witnessed the whole event and placed his hand over Shuichi's just about to raise the gun to his head like before. Slowly, he slipped his hand under Shuichi's so that he had control of the gun and then threw it out the broken glass balcony door. He then took Shuichi and slapped him across the face to make him wake up to reality. Yuki was breathing heavily now. He stared down at him, shocked and angry that he would even consider killing himself. _After all of this. You cannot stand the thought of taking a life? Why take your own then?! _It was all so overwhelming. All of it had seemed to have happened within a second. If Yuki hadn't had been already kneeling on the floor, he probably would have collapsed from all the suddenness of the events.

Shuichi stared back up at him, helplessly. "Yuki…" The tears came again. "I…I wouldn't have…I really…wouldn't have…" _I wouldn't have killed myself, Yuki. You know I wouldn't…it was just…the pain of it all…You know I wouldn't have pulled the trigger…would I?_

Yuki brought the boy to his chest, breathless, and held him tightly as he could as Shuichi started to cry and scream like before.

Holding him close, Yuki realizing how familiar the whole situation was. This made him want to cry also, but he denied the tears to go through. It was Shuichi's time to cry. To mourn. "I'm so sorry…" He looked at Daisuke's body and closed his eyes. "It's over now." He had said it before. But now they both knew it. It was over.

* * *

A/N 2: Sorry for the spazz at the top. I just don't like it when people do that. When I read this over, it seems like I didn't transition it well. Again, if you guys don't like it, I'll delete and rewrite, 'cuz something about this chapter is really bugging me.

* * *

EDIT 4-22-08: At **sun's and stars** request I've decided to write a less...depressing version of this chapter. And a less uh...messed up Shuichi. I hope it meets any expectations you had XD I can't change the main idea of the chapter though because it would mess up the ending.

Oh, and **Paon**, I know it's a bit confusing how Daisuke had gotten shot. Just before Shuichi fired, Daisuke had jumped towards Shuichi to move the his arm away, but instead it shot him in the back. ... yeah. I'm not too satisfied how that turned out either. -scratches head- That's why I made up what's below.

* * *

Chapter 17.5 : Undo

Daisuke stared at the figure cowering in fear on the couch. He stood up and straightened his posture. "Shuichi," He repeated.

"No...stay away!" Shuichi stumbled off of the piece of furniture, just barely able to speak. Come on, Yuki! Where the hell are you?! I need help here...

"It's not like that!" Daisuke did his best to hush his voice in fear of waking Yuki he started to walk towards Shuichi who was scrambling to his feet and trying to back away. "I have something to give you..." _Why would he accept this? Why can't I just tell him I'm sorry and be ok with it? ...it doesn't feel right...I'm such a coward._

"What? Another bullet in my chest?!" Shuichi couldn't hold back the hurt emotions. He backed himself up against a wall.

Daisuke was a bit taken back at the response Shuichi had given him. Taking a slow breath, he tried to sound rational, "I promise I won't hurt you."

The memory before Daisuke left for America came back to Shuichi's mind. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes. "How many promises will you break?" His voice was shaky.

Daisuke crushed the piece of paper in his pocket at the frustration realizing Shuichi was right. He hung his head. "I'm sorry, Shuichi."

A tear crept down Shuichi's cheek. "Daisuke...it's..." He wanted to badly to forgive him. But he couldn't. Not after everything. It had been too much for him. "It's too late for that!" He said as loudly as he could.

_Of course it is..._ It felt as though an anvil had been dropped onto Daisuke's heart. It felt even more so when he heard commotion coming from a room down the hall.

"Damnit, Shuichi...what the hell are you doing this late at..." Yuki silenced himself when he saw Daisuke. He then looked from Shuichi back to Daisuke. "What are YOU doing here?!" Not waiting for a response, he lunged at the man, knocking him to the floor.

Shuichi felt his stomach fall and his nerves rake as he saw Yuki throwing the punches and Daisuke doing his best to defend himself at the surprise attack. "Why the hell did you need to come here?! Can't you see you hurt him enough?!" Yuki yelled.

Daisuke caught his breath and stood up. He was too exhausted to speak. He really didn't want to punch Yuki back. It looked as though he might have to at this point. When he caught one of Yuki's punches he held it long enough to try and make him listen, "I just want to talk to him."

"You lost your chance!" Yuki punched Daisuke in the face to which Daisuke punched him in the jaw, sending him against the wall hard, knocking him unconscious.

Shuichi lost his breath as he saw Yuki motionless on the floor. His eyes moved to Daisuke who was breathing heavily and wiping away some blood from his lower lip. Shuichi wanted most to go over to Yuki and try to help him up, but he knew that he'd be at a disadvantage and Daisuke would be able to do...whatever he wanted to do. The singer didn't really want to know or care what Daisuke wanted to tell him. He was just scared and angry now.

_Shit..._ Daisuke thought to himself knowing he fucked up. He wanted to say something to Shuichi that might have made him less panicked, but nothing came to mind. Before he knew it, Shuichi was running out the door of the apartment and down the stairs of the complex. "Shuichi!" Daisuke chased after him, "Wait!" The sky started to spit lightly but by the time Daisuke was out of the apartment, he was being pelted with the element.

Of course Shuichi didn't. He had to find someone to help him. Obviously the fight hadn't woken any of their neighbors. Where else did he have left to go except for the miles away that Hiro or Tohma were?

Daisuke finally caught up with Shuichi in the middle of the road outside of the complex by grabbing Shuichi's hand fiercely and pulling him back. The socket in Shuichi's shoulder's screamed in agony as he was pulled back to face Daisuke. "Please Shuichi! Listen!"

Shuichi shut his eyes and continued to struggle against Daisuke's grip. He couldn't find the words to say and was afraid what would come out of his mouth if he did find them.

In the apartment, Yuki was waking up to find the room empty. Worried, he jumped from the floor and out to the balcony to see if Shuichi or Daisuke were outside. What he saw made him freeze and made his heart stop. He managed to yell Shuichi's name to which Shuichi opened his eyes to look up at Yuki.

He tried to figure out why Yuki was yelling so loudly and in such a scared tone. He knew that he being with Daisuke at the moment was dangerous but why was he so alarmed? Light flooded the corners of his eyes as he turned his head to realize what was so wrong.

It all happened as if time decided to play in slow motion.

Shuichi didn't see much of what happened. He only saw the headlights of the car coming towards him and then a hard shove threw him out of the path and onto the road. The car passed by him quickly but there was a deafening sound of bones breaking against the frame of the car and the distortion of a body hitting the pavement. It was silence next to the pit-pat of the rain. Shuichi was on his knees, unable to comprehend the event that had just come before his eyes.

"No..." The car had sped off, making the accident a hit and run. Shuichi crawled over to the body. "Daisuke!!"

There wasn't any breath from Daisuke's lips that were curved into a sad smile and his body seemed to have shrunken from the impact. "I'm sorry, Shuichi." His voice was pained and barely readable, but it was the only thing Shuichi heard. "I honestly...never meant for it to end...up like...this."

Shuichi couldn't feel himself breathe. The rain mixed with his tears as he stared down at the broken body and then at the eyes of it's owner. The light had already been stolen. There was no hope of revival for him.

Yuki, who had witnessed the accident from the balcony of the apartment, found himself almost unable to comprehend it. He was able to run down the stairs and able to walk to where Shuichi and Daisuke were, but wasn't able to find any words of comfort.

"He's gone..." Shuichi was barely able to whisper. The sadness in his voice brought Yuki to his knees and he took Shuichi into a hug. Shuichi started to cry hard into his chest and Yuki hugged him tighter.

Yuki wanted to say something comforting, but still found himself wordless as his mind tried to wrap an understanding of the situation. His emotions were raging and confused. _Why did Daisuke come to the apartment? How did he escape? Why did he give his own life to save Shuichi if he had tried to kill him before?_ He squeezed Shuichi tighter just to make sure he was there. That his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. Shuichi _was_ in his arms. He hadn't died. He wasn't the one who had been hit by the car. Daisuke had...saved him.

A few minutes later, they both heard blaring sirens coming towards them. Obviously one of the other neighbors had seen or heard the accident. The rain was pounding on everyone so harshly that it sounded like static against the ambulance. As Shuichi watched Daisuke be carried away, he collapsed into Yuki's arms and started to cry again. He was so confused. He heard Yuki's voice in his ear telling him it was over. That it wasn't his fault. He was right. It was over.


	18. Bittersweet

Series: Gravitation(anime) by Maki Murakami

Disclaimer: TIZ THE FINAL CHAPTER OF DISPAAAIIIRRR -shot-

* * *

Chapter 18 : Bittersweet

The funeral was in a serene place. It was sakura season and the pink petals were already scattered on Daisuke's fragile face. He looked so peaceful in the casket. Shuichi did his best to keep himself from breaking down from the whole ceremony. Yuki and Hiro had gone to support him. It wasn't a big funeral since his mother was dead and his father was in prison. Leah was gone. The only one of the other four from the group that came to the funeral was Kris because he had insisted so intensely. He would have throttled Shuichi himself he wasn't in hand cuffs. He believed Daisuke shouldn't have saved Shuichi. He also decided not to give Shuichi a hard time because he also knew that it was painful for him. They had both lost Daisuke.

Shuichi didn't cry at the funeral. He had lost all the energy to do anything since that night. The light in his eyes had been totally eliminated. Even after Kris and Hiro left, he stood there at the grave. Yuki was waiting for him, leaning against his car. He knew that Shuichi needed some time alone. His deep purple eyes recalling all the memories of Daisuke that had led up to his death. He remembered that the doctor who pronounced Daisuke dead at the hospital had given him a paper that Daisuke still had clutched in his hands to deliver to him the night he was killed.

He pulled it from his pocket and read it slowly. He began to shake as the words shook in his head. Shuichi fell to his knees and clutched the letter in his hands.

_Shuichi,_

_I know you won't forgive me. I know that you'll hate me forever even after I see you and give this to you. But you must know that I never meant for it to be this way. Please know that I blame you for nothing no matter how our lives turn out from this point on. And please forgive me for the horrible things I've done._

_You know, I've listened to a couple of your songs. You have a great voice. I've never known much about writing lyrics, but I wrote these a couple years ago for you to sing. It doesn't look like that will happen now, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure out your own tune._

_"I've made my mistakes_

_And though time doesn't let me stop_

_To just apologize _

_Hear my words before it's too late_

_Don't hide your head_

_It will be over soon enough_

_Don't be ashamed_

_But do move on_

_I hope to see you at that gate some day"_

_I mean exactly what those words say. Even if you can't hear them the same way the song says it. Heh, I guess it's pretty stupid I just can't say it to you. I guess you could consider it pathetic on my part. You know I've always been weak like that. _

_-Daisuke_

_Why, Daisuke_? Shuichi raised his head to read the gravestone. There were no words of endearment. Just his name and life span. _You deserve something more…_ Shuichi felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Yuki. The writer stared down at Shuichi sympathetically.

"Come on, let's go home." He helped Shuichi up and into the car.

On their way back to the apartment, Shuichi stared back at the graveyard until it was no more. It was like Daisuke was leaving him behind all over again. He was. He was gone but for good this time.

-One Year Later-

Shuichi stood once more at the gravestone of Daisuke. He had healed. It had been a long process though. When he had written notes to the song that Daisuke had written; he got Hiro and Suguru to fit in their parts to the song and was a number one hit on the charts for five weeks straight. He also transferred the song to his laptop and played it at the highest volume for hours on end for months to the expense of his and Yuki's hearing abilities.

It didn't help that Craig, Louis, Kris, and Thomas had been released to America for their trial. The American officials argued that since Shuichi's attempted murderer was already dead, that the other four should be taken back to the east for their own trial about the other two murders. No matter how hard Tohma tried to keep them in Japan, it was impossible even with all his connections. Kris was the only one sentenced to death since all three ganged up on him and said he did it. He didn't really care though. He believed like Daisuke, that he had gotten his one way ticket to hell a long time ago. Before he was put on death row, Shuichi had a visit with him. Kris didn't really have the desire to hurt the boy anymore and told Shuichi about Daisuke's past. Even if it made his healing harder, Shuichi now knew what Daisuke went through.

It was tough for him, but Shuichi eventually pulled through the depression like before with Yuki at his side the whole way.

"Daisuke…" Shuichi brushed away the layer of sakura petals on the gravestone. He couldn't find words to say. Thank you? I'm sorry? He had said them so many times before. Why would now make it any different? A single tear escaped his eyes and he sadly smiled, "Goodbye." He walked away from the gravestone, his heart no longer so heavy. Finally accepting all that had happened. Shuichi stopped in his tracks. He held up his head and looked at the cloudy sky, thinking of Daisuke. It started to rain lightly. "Don't worry, I won't forget you." He smiled and then continued on his way.

He came to a car which a tall blonde leaning against and smoking. Shuichi sighed angrily. "I thought you were going to try and quit." He headed to the passengers seat.

"Hmph." Yuki threw the cigarette butt on the ground and got into the driver's side. He turned to the pink haired singer. He had changed so much in the past year. Shuichi was still fun loving and energetic, but became more mature since Daisuke's death. "Are you ready?" He asked before he started the ignition.

Shuichi turned to him with a meaningful smile. "Yep."

Yuki smiled back. He made more of an effort lately to be not as cold to Shuichi. He had been the one to help Yuki out of his depression. And he had been the one to help Shuichi. He didn't want to let that work on their relationship go to waste.

When Yuki started driving, Shuichi decided to make conversation. "Ne, Yuki, do you want to go to the Sakura Festival this weekend?"

"Hmm…I dunno, brat." He still called him that though. It was only to be playful. "I believe I have a deadline then."

Shuichi just smiled still, "You sure you can't move it?"

Yuki's eyes drifted to Shuichi and then back to the road. He had learned to say what he really wanted to instead of being a hard ass and saying the exact opposite just to break his lover. "Alright."

Satisfied, Shuichi looked out the window, "Ne, Yuki?"

"Hmm?"

Shuichi's eyes played over the quickly passing objects and his smile faded. His mind reviewed his memories of Daisuke and that he was gone but that Shuichi was still living. That even though Daisuke had tried to hurt him, but ended up saving him. That Daisuke had been the victim of confusion and misunderstanding but that through and through he had stayed the same. Daisuke's death had been horrible and sad in the sense that a light was put out, but also hopeful in another sense that more people would become aware of those circumstances that he had suffered and that fewer people with experience it.

"Is this what they call a bittersweet ending?"

* * *

A/N: Wow. It's done...hmm...-doesn't know what to say-

ANYWAYZ. I added a different version of Chapter 17. I didn't delete the old one though since most of you seemed to like it. If you go back to the page and scroll down you'll find it. I do think I like the second one better though, even if I ended it suckily. X3

The reason I say "east" instead of "west" as most people refer to when they talk about America geographically was because Seattle is near Japan east-wise. Just clearing up any confusion you people had...

So yeah! That's it! This fic is done. I enjoyed writing it and thanks SOO much to you awesome readers :D Especially...

**Darkmetal Angel of Destruction**: Whenever you said, "Short Chapter" I got all "goaiuetoqweiufoaisfjaw948123094" and forced myself to write at least 1,000 words per chapter. It was annoying, but it really helped me push myself to put more into my story.

**Amber Hermione**: I always looked forward to your detailed reviews and they really helped me not want to drop the fic and move on. I wish I had more to say, but that really gets it to the point!!

**TEWG & 801**, **Naruta13**, **Paon**, **Ratsrule**, **Sana-chan9**, **Moosxaxlot**, **A Gravitation Fan**, **coffee-house-girl**, **kabelly**, and **sun's and stars**: I can't thank you guys enough for reviewing all my chapters. It really made me want to write more and your encouragement was also awesome too. I was really unsure at first since this was my first romance fic, but I feel a little more confident now X3 I'm hoping to write another Gravitation story soon.

Thanks again everyone!


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